Wednesday, November 19, 2008

One more random thought


you ever see the Gremlins? that movie scared the crap out of me when i was a kid and then as i got older i thought it was soooooo funny, well i just saw it on TV and it was almost the most retarded movie ever, although nothing could ever possibly be worse than garbage pail kids the movie, that was so bad it was almost good. messy tessy, foul phil, those cards were crazy, who the heck thought that crap up?. growing up in the 80's was a treat, neon, jamz, those weird striped pajama looking pants, and other ridiculous styles, especially the hair....what the heck were people thinking. its funny though because now instead of all that crazy wierd crap we have our little EMO buddies. honestly what kind of man wears ass tight tapered pants and covers half his face with his flattening-iron-straightened hair??? i thought that crap only existed in Japanese Anime?? lately when walking around town i feel like Adult Swim has somehow merged with our universe and become a reality!!!

Self Imposed Smackdown

As of late i have been a hermit and it's for many reason's. Mostly i'm remodeling my house and its sucked up lots of my free time, but also because i'm tryin to figure out lots of things... some about me, some about people in general. I've come to realize not many people actually get the gospel the way I do. I'm not claiming a pure knowledge or beating my chest at others but i do know that i have a different take than the majority. I'm for sure not getting into it on this but the bottom line is i think its more important how we treat other people in this life than worrying about crossing every T and dotting every I on our daily rulebook checklists.... If people were less concerned with themselves and more concerned with serving others and just being kind to everyone (and not in a care-bear-stare-bear way) life would be better for everyone. But everyone seems to have an agenda, whether its money, power, fame, or anything that brings attention to themselves and their deeds.... its disgusting. I think of how blessed i am and sometimes feel like i don't deserve what i have, and then on the flipside i catch myself selfishly wanting more...it's disgusting. Who the heck am i to ask for more than i've already been given? I had a rough patch there for a while and now that i'm clear of it i've discovered there are things that used to be so important to me, that now, i just don't give a damn about. I'm sadly devoid in some aspects and need to find out how to rekindle some flames that died in me, but for the most part the refiners fire wiped out some heavy flaws embedded in my system.... unfortunatley it also inadvertently burned some other parts to a crisp, namely my faith in other people. I'm intent on becoming someone i'm not, which is a man that dedicates all he can to improve his life and those around him. Someone that glories in God and not in himself, a humble, meek, submissive servant with no expectations nor desires for recognition or reimbursement (even from the Lord).....and i know this will probably take the rest of my life to accomplish but what better way to live my life and spend my time? my life so far is a sequence of steps forward and back, and i can see clearly that the steps forward involved selfless acts while the steps back were all selfish. maybe i'm crazy? i dunno, but things are changing and i can't be that guy if i'm not willing to sacrifice ...... so for now i'm sorting through rubble for pieces worth keeping/restoring and trying to make sense of what i should do. Introspection sucks.

Regrets are for gaylords


So I was thinkin this weekend about all the CSW's(see the title, i'm abbreviating for the sake of my lil sausages) in my life and i decided thats the worst mindset ever to have.... yes if you had made different choices in the past life could (but not neccesarily would) be different. But ya didnt and it is how it is, and it's obviously the way its supposed to be. The thing that sucks is not wishing you could jump into a souped up DeLorean, have doc throw some banana's in the flux capacitor, and then haul ass to the past to rectify stuff, but realizing what opportunites you let slip through your fingers or how you could have done better. Thats why hindsight is a douche bag. It lets you see your retardation to the fullest and then laughs while you self-ridicule your lackluster preformances/outcomes! buuuuuuuuut on the flipside hindsight lets you get a grip on all things good/bad from the past and gives you the chance to improve on mistakes, avoid similar ones, and also lets you see what you did right. Really though i was pondering choices over the past few years and yes, i let opportunities slide right past me that today make me think "man i was a dumbass" but oh well. I think its important to look at the past, but not dwell on it, and by looking i mean not regretting what we did/didnt do but how we can learn from what resulted from our choices so we don't let our future oppurtunities go to waste. So really, we can look into our past and use it to determine what happens in the future, if history decides to repeat itself.... so don't beat yourself up over crappy choices, instead prepare for the future so you're not such a dumbass next time......