Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Self Imposed Smackdown

As of late i have been a hermit and it's for many reason's. Mostly i'm remodeling my house and its sucked up lots of my free time, but also because i'm tryin to figure out lots of things... some about me, some about people in general. I've come to realize not many people actually get the gospel the way I do. I'm not claiming a pure knowledge or beating my chest at others but i do know that i have a different take than the majority. I'm for sure not getting into it on this but the bottom line is i think its more important how we treat other people in this life than worrying about crossing every T and dotting every I on our daily rulebook checklists.... If people were less concerned with themselves and more concerned with serving others and just being kind to everyone (and not in a care-bear-stare-bear way) life would be better for everyone. But everyone seems to have an agenda, whether its money, power, fame, or anything that brings attention to themselves and their deeds.... its disgusting. I think of how blessed i am and sometimes feel like i don't deserve what i have, and then on the flipside i catch myself selfishly wanting more...it's disgusting. Who the heck am i to ask for more than i've already been given? I had a rough patch there for a while and now that i'm clear of it i've discovered there are things that used to be so important to me, that now, i just don't give a damn about. I'm sadly devoid in some aspects and need to find out how to rekindle some flames that died in me, but for the most part the refiners fire wiped out some heavy flaws embedded in my system.... unfortunatley it also inadvertently burned some other parts to a crisp, namely my faith in other people. I'm intent on becoming someone i'm not, which is a man that dedicates all he can to improve his life and those around him. Someone that glories in God and not in himself, a humble, meek, submissive servant with no expectations nor desires for recognition or reimbursement (even from the Lord).....and i know this will probably take the rest of my life to accomplish but what better way to live my life and spend my time? my life so far is a sequence of steps forward and back, and i can see clearly that the steps forward involved selfless acts while the steps back were all selfish. maybe i'm crazy? i dunno, but things are changing and i can't be that guy if i'm not willing to sacrifice ...... so for now i'm sorting through rubble for pieces worth keeping/restoring and trying to make sense of what i should do. Introspection sucks.

2 comments:

Livi said...

Lord Stanley!! I am so glad to see you back in the blog world. Thanks for this post. You are sincerely one of the kindest most thoughtful people I know. I hope I can see you again soon home slice!

RubyVillain said...

I like this post a lot. I think that people who actually and genuinely care about other people AND who are willing to make it be known are so rare. I've only met a few of them in my life, but they make more of a difference in my perspective on humanity than everyone else combined.

Glad to see you are posting again. I was reading your blog for a while but then quit and forgot about it when you didn't update for a while. Thanks for commenting on mine and reminding me of your blog. It's very fun to read.