Monday, May 24, 2010

New Mexico.... Where the air tastes like blood.

We'll get to why it tastes that way but first I would like to say how much I've enjoyed the last few weeks. One of my best frengs got married and that also let me see a bunch of my other best friends, chaos & awesomeness ensued. Then I went to Puerto Vallarta for a week of glory. I'd like to use the "f" word to emphasize how awesome it was but I have no idea how sensitive the people that read this are. So I'll go the Utard route and say it was "so fetchin awesome" FACT: Matt Stanley does not like the ocean- It is vast and full of unknown creatures... I've never really enjoyed swimming in it due to unnatural and ridiculous fears i.e. A megladon/plesiosaur eating me, an Architeuthis rising from the deep to grab me with it's tentacles, or just any shark ever swimming near me. I sucked it up though and went snorkeling. It was a terrifyingly epic adventure. I saw huge ass eagle rays and other saline swimming creatures. But I still remain extremely wary of the ocean and it's inhabitants. If you are planning on going to Mexico, Puerto Vallarta is the way to go. You can drink the water, it's really safe, the food is awesome, the people were nice, and it was basically an amazing place. The street tacos were the best thing ever, and I think I ate a pineapple a day. Surfing = easier than boogie boarding (although this might be b/c of my not-so-slight figure) and deep sea fishing was a crapshoot (we caught fish but not too much, I think it was a crappy time of year to fish) Bottom line : I love that place and plan on going back many times. Now on to the taste of death. Although my mouth was full of dirt & other shiz that made it's way in during my flight, for the rest of the day my mouth tasted like metal. What happened? I was dirtbiking in New Mexico with my cousins and I thought I was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay hardcorer (new word) than I apparently am. I went down a hill gung-ho and paid the price. Eyewitnesses reported my ass lifting off when I hit the first bump and I was in full flight when I hit the second. I managed a full rotation with a slight twist spanning over +/- 25 feet whilst 4ft off the ground. Impact with the terrain was..... unfavorable. Ragdolled/skidded another several feet before sliding to a stop. Total spectacle was described as "totally awesome" (which, of course, is EXACTLY what I was shooting for....I aim to please) What I remember thinking prior to everything is as follows: "wow this is steep.... maybe I should go around..... but then I'll get crap for being a pussy, so just do it or you'll regret not trying.... buuuuut it's really steep. whatever, nate thinks I've got it so I'll just do it like he said...here goes nothin.... wow... i'm goin reaaaally fast, what the hell... the brake isn't working." **Bump #1**   "F$%# "  **Bump #2** "we have liftoff" Next I remember spinning tons, hitting my chest really hard, bouncing, hitting my head, seeing black with blue explosions, hitting my shoulder then sliding to a stop.... enter pain stage right. You just survived my dirtbike wreck. I have bruises on my face, knees, ribs, back, chest, arms, shoulder, and back. But I somehow avoided breaking any bones, or hitting the cactuses I landed near. It was a miracle. but it still hurt(s) like a you know what. On the bright side, I had a blast in New Mexico chilling with my homeboy Nate & I'd like to publicly thank my cousin Sharon for alleviating the initial onslaught of pain with a pretty little pill. Although my body hates me, I had a blast. My cousins are just like me.... awesome.