Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Crux

Do I extinguish the spark or fan it? My logic says to put that crap out before you get burned again while my emotions are attempting to throw combustibles on it. The problem isn't me... It's the enigma of others intentions. Did I make a mistake??? I don't know. The funny thing is that when people say to just go with how you feel it's not really good advice b/c you really can feel two completely different things at once. It's like I'm on a bridge, I've got a torch in my hand & no matter which side I choose I've got to light the bridge on fire when I cross. One side is a open to the public willy wonka land while the other is a private secluded trail that leads to a hammock, good book and home theater system with all my favorite movies. One is peaceful & stable yet lonely while the other is massive swings up & down but with people to keep me company. I can't have both.... but that seems to be what I want. The question is: can I have my cake & eat it too??? I don't see how it's possible. I hate letting myself care about anything but I understand that my logic is just trying to temper my emotions with a cold bath of past experience. Either way I don't know what to do. But what I do know is that I have to make sure I get my logic & emotions to make the decision together & not let one override the other. Ugh.

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