Relections from Utardia

Radmobile

2012-01-24T09:11:00.003-07:00

Adios Sonata, it's been real. I will miss your mpg and darkness. I won't miss off roading on eggshells. Hello tank (and hello not so awesome mpg) I love both cars but the little ones days are numbered. Now I have to find a house (I probably should have done that first.. oh well) life has been crazy lately. I feel like I never have time to do anything, I'm either working or out running around with my amigos or house hunting/other biz. On the bright side time is flying, but that just means I'm getting older faster! Life is good... just hectic. I can't believe how fast my nieces & nephew are growing... I can't wait for my nephew to be able to be a real human & walk/talk. My nieces are hilarious so I imagine he's going to be similar. He's such a happy kid & rarely cries, it makes it easier to babysit him when all he likes to do is smile & crawl all over you. Those stinkin kids are whats making it hard to move. Mr. P can stand on his own & ghetto walk a few steps so he should be running around shortly. The girls are too smart for their own good & funny enough to make me give in to their treat oriented manipulations. I love being an Uncle to such awesome little terds. Anyways, this past weekend a bunch of us went to Mesquite NV to go dirtbiking & it was awesome. Warm weather, a little rain, and some really cool terrain around lake Mead/Valley of Fire. One of the nights they talked me into going to a buffet.... much to my regret. I watched my cousin consume over 30 lobster tails, lots of crab & other questionable food only to have it be ME that woke up at 3am & barfed my brains out.... no more buffets ever again... the food tasted good but obviously something sinister was in there.... The other 4 guys had no issues (except being gluttons) So besides the night of vomitus maximus it was an awesome weekend of nice warmness & motorcycle mayhem. Winter finally showed up here in SLC but it's still not even that cold/snowy, it's been a weird one so far. I've never minded the winter but really can't wait for spring b/c I've got trips planned for Yosemite, Havasupai, and a few other places with a bunch of different people & I'm a little impatient to hit the road. I think & hope this is going to be a really good year....especially since the world is ending next December. So in the meantime buy ammo/gas so you can raid people that have food storage when the world goes all Mad Max Hope all is well amigos!

Tabula Rasa

2012-01-04T10:02:00.001-07:00

So Cali was unexpectedly awesome. LA is still nasty but the places we went were pretty great. The weather was weird though, it was foggy most of the weekend but it was ok with me b/c it stayed cool & didn't get super hot. The fiestas were fun & I actually ran into a lot of old friends so that was the icing on the cake. It was pretty hectic for most of the weekend but I had a really good time! Also got a bunch of new clothes that I never would have bought if girls didn't pick them out & approve.... definitely branched out but thankfully avoided the hipster/hobo garbage. Turns out people there are ten times friendlier too. Yes there were douchers present but for the most part everyone was really nice & made me feel welcome. I definitely plan on going back. I totally think I could live there but! I still like the smaller city feel I've got in SLC. Who knows... maybe someday I'll consider it. So another city gets on my "places I would live" list. And hopefully I'll get back out there soon.

Soooooo 2011 is over.... what happened.. happened, and now it's time for a fresh start. Resolutions are crap... most people don't keep them... So I plan on continuing the regimen I've been kicking ass at it & adding stuff on. Commitment numero uno- Restore my former glory- I've been on fire for the last few months & it's time to get new pants again b/c I can only cinch up my belt so much. Also for the first time ever, I actually look forward to working out, it helps me get my mind off everything & challenge myself. I am more than half way to my goal & at the current pace am going to destroy it shortly. Next commitment- Get my own place asap. I'll miss living in the house we slaved away on & probably feel like dying b/c I'll miss my current housemates but I need to do this. Next- Keep my head up & stay the course. The past can't affect me anymore, this is my year to prove it. No more Mr. Doormat. No more being shy. No more hardcase. I've been getting out of my comfort zone & am surprised to find it's not as terrible as I thought/remembered (although sometimes it's a little nerve-wracking!). Next- Stay humble! I've been blessed... a lot. I try to show my appreciation every single day & recognize where the blessings come from so I don't turn into a cocky entitled douchebag. I need to be more considerate in what I say/do & how it affects others. Next- Take more risks... fortune favors the bold.... my calculated risks typically work but it's time to bite the bullet & see what I can get away with! Soo that's probably enough for now... Hope all is well amigos & that you had a most excellent time during the holidays...

Be excellent to each other

LS.

Reeeeeeeeeedonkulous

2011-12-30T10:02:00.001-07:00

Soooo I'm headed to LA in a few hours to visit some long lost friends from college & celebrate new years. For years on end I've been preached to about the glories of SoCal....so we'll see if the the reality lives up to the hype....Last time I was in LA I thought it was one of the anuses of the universe. I have been assured this trip will change my mind... Should be fun though, warm weather, the beach, people watching at mormo parties, California girls, the ocean (which I still think is full of evil creatures/sharks), and whatever else they have planned. I've admittedly been anti for years but it's mostly because of how SoCal people are like Texas worshippers (but with more $$ & more pride) so maybe I'll have a change of heart. I'll probably post after I get back & even throw some pictures on here... in the meantime- Happy New Years amigos hope everyone had a good year!! And to all my married friends- Thanks for the Xmas cards, it really is good to see/hear from y'all!

-Matticus

Hohoho's & nonono's

2011-12-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

Went to the Anberlin concert last night, it was awesome but freezing. They might be one of the best live bands I've heard in a while...I would definitely go see them if they show up in your town. Although be prepared to deal with an Emo Army.... Also picked up the Galaxy Nexus phone yesterday & so far it's freakin awesome.... Its fast, light, and everything I expected.... it happens to be my favorite thing in the world right now (the picture in this post is from the phone). Also found out my bonus & got a raise yesterday as well, it's been a nice few days. Lately some amigos & I have been attending xmas gatherings in the valley, turns out I love people watching more than ever! These things are prime time. It's typically like this... a billion guys show up & are all over the smaller # of girls, then all the guys leave due to the horrible ratio & within a short time the flood of girls starts to show up...and then cycle repeats itself. By the time the party is supposed to end its about even & a lot less crazy & gets fun b/c you can actually hear/talk to people without being millimeters apart. Also it's usually the same crowd every time so you think they would eventually figure this out? nooooope. It's like the movie groundhog day (with the exception that the locations & clothes change). Its ridiculously entertaining to me. The other part I like is bumping into people that I haven't seen in years/since college... totally random & sometimes totally awkward. Its funny though because when I see/talk to them I remember things that I couldn't have ever recalled without the interaction. There's a bunch more this weekend so we'll see if the cycle continues....

Anyways... I have been a bit too liberal with my ramblings as of late... I didn't think anyone really read this & really mostly write it as a way to get stuff off my mind but that = horrible idea thats taken more than 4 years & a reality check to realize. Sometimes I just don't think about stuff... with this I have always just written & never really thought of the implications... oops. No more of that. I never realized the full scope of accessibility & stalkerism that occurs on the interwebs... I don't want to go private but removed most of my personal info & posts that said way too much about what goes on in my mind. Apologies. I would hate to jeopardize my career, personal relationships, & other things for in-the-moment ramblings that can be misinterpreted & skewed to a readers whim. Or get my butt kicked by someone I offend. So yeah, I'm kind of having one of those "am I seriously that stupid" moments. Ooops.

Hope all is well amigos!

Winter is coming.....

2011-11-02T08:43:00.000-06:00

And so are the brisk shuffles through the snow to get to my car (while trying not to freeze to death/get snow in my shoes) freezing while the heater takes eternity to heat up, warm nights buried in an over-sized comforter, cider, hot cocoa from the 7-11 with freeze dried marshmallows, netflix, harry potter nights with my nieces, going to St. George & not melting, Christmas lights, Thanksgiving, turkey, football, seeing my brothers, holiday parties, etc.... some things are going to be different but some things never change. Hopefully this winter has some pleasant surprises I don't know about yet or am waiting to come to fruition. But I think this is winter is going to bring a lot of new changes. I'm excited yet nervous to see how things turn out. The biggest change is probably going to be where I live... I am finally ready to buy my own place & am just starting the hunt for a new lair. I might build a place (no more fixer-uppers) but am probably going to try to stay close to where I'm at now b/c I want to be close to my nieces & nephew.... soooo I guess we'll just have to see what happens.... My job is going great, I work more but am learning tons & progressing so I'm pretty pumped for where/how things are going. This is shaping up to be a good year & I have way to much going for me to complain about what I'm lacking/missing. I still wish I could win the powerball though.... and maybe have a time traveling DeLorean so I could go to the future & grab the winning numbers. that would be neat.

Autumn

2011-10-12T11:38:00.000-06:00

Calling Autumn Fall is like calling a Ferrari a Dodge.... don't ask me to explain.. I just hate calling it "Fall". Autumn is by far my favorite time of year, the smell, warm colors, crisp air, cool nights, wet leaves, rainy days, pumpkins, blah blah blah.... I freakin loooooove it. If it could be Autumn year round I would be fine with that. For some reason the changes during this season always make me introspective. Maybe it's the splendor around me that reminds me that God made this awesomeness & I am but a tiny cog in the mechanics of Gods super Ferrari... maybe it's just me trying to prepare for the cold crappy winter by sorting through the things in my life? don't really know, don't really mind. It's not always fun but it sure is always enlightening. I love the smell outside when I leave for work... the air is best described as "crisp" the smell of dew soaked leaves fills the air, the sound of crunching leaves as I walk, a touch of mist on the bench sometimes & I can usually see the sunlight just starting to make the tops of the eastern mountains glow. Life at 6am is serene. Sometimes I wish I could just sit & watch the sun come over those mountains, watching the neighborhood come alive like little worker bees or something. Its small moments like these that make me truly happy & remind me why I'm here.... not to become a billionaire, emperor, rockstar, celebrity, Nobel prize winner or anything like that.... I'm here to be happy. To learn to love myself & other people. To increase my knowledge temporally by using this life as a tool to learn how to learn and also how to teach. Fact: I'm not the best church going member, I have tons of self improvements I've sucked at implementing but lately I have been super grateful for the gospel that we have as well as this place we've been given. I'm blessed to be an American. I'm blessed to have learned about Jesus Christ & God in my youth. I'm blessed to have the interactions & experiences I've had with others, even the negative ones. The negative things hurt bad sometimes but they help me grow as a person & I think I wouldn't have the perspective I do if they never happened. Do I still have things I need to get over... of course... I'm working on it. To my friends I've been neglecting.... I'm sorry. I love you guys. To people I've wronged or offended... I'm also sincerely sorry. I'm not depressed or anything like that, I'm just trying to get right with myself & my God. I have felt kind of lost for a while, like I don't really fit in anymore... no, I don't need attention, I don't need sympathy, I don't need anything really. God shows me regularly how lucky I am. I wish I could make answering the crazy deep questions I have my full time job. I hate that we spend most of our day working so that we can be comfortable & usually I'm too selfish/stupid to use my spare time to get into studying the gospel. Sometimes I think that I have something to overcome or learn before I'm allowed to have what I really do want most (a family of my own). Maybe it's a matter of me not being worthy of it yet... maybe it's just not meant to be in this life.. I dunno. But right now I need to start changing my life to match the one I want. Honest truth... more than anything in the universe I want to be a dad. I've even looked into adopting a kid by myself but know it wouldn't work. I work too much & know I couldn't do it alone (changing diapers would kill me... I'd end up with a poopy diaper & my vomit everywhere). Am I desperate to get married? no, obviously not. Ideally I'd like to marry someone that I absolutely love & that absolutely loves me in the right place at the right time. However, have I been making an effort to make that happen?... not really. Do I date? Yes but not as much as I used to. Am I lonely? sometimes, but I'd hate to find someone & not be ready for it... Am I happy? yes! if anything I feel...incomplete. It's also hard when most of your close friends are married, I tend to feel a little like an oddball or something is wrong with me. For the record- I'm 30, single, and happy with where my life is going. My self-esteem with the fairer sex has definitely seen better days & that's the main thing I'm working on. My career is beginning to move in the direction I want & I am loving my work (ideally I would still rather win the powerball & retire this instant but we all have to eat..). I want to be better about praying, reading my scriptures, and stuff.... but I really don't anticipate me becoming a peter-priesthood/gung-ho... ever. I still think we Mormons are super dorky to the outside world & I still will dread/hate the stupid singles activities they come up with. This is long & probably way too personal. But I highly doubt I'm the only one that feels/has felt this way. Anyways I want to be better tomorrow than I am today, everyday. And I'm grateful God made the Autumn to remind me of these things... plus it seriously smells better than all the other seasons combined... times ten.

Shelob bit me.

2011-09-26T09:15:00.002-06:00

Sooooooooooo two posts ago I discussed my mysterious visit to the ER. Several days ago I found the creature in the picture (below) in one of my shoes & then found a smattering of it's babies & egg sacs.... grossness. As I was hunting for more of the beasts my brother & sister-in-law summoned me upstairs & were laughing. Upon inquiry they informed me that they initially thought I was a hypochondriac for my hospital visit but whilst reading the signs & symptoms of a bite from a black widow they realized it fit the description of my past malady almost to a "t". They thought it was super funny that many times people that don't know they were bit are mistakenly diagnosed with appendicitis b/c of the similar symptoms (see two posts ago) I've been super paranoid that I had cancer or lymes disease or something b/c I had never felt that weird/way before in my entire life. I also happened to have a big red welt on my foot at the time I went to the ER so there's no question that the frickin thing bit me. Weird. I'm almost glad I didn't know what it was at the time b/c I would have gone mental. But it's actually a little comforting that this is what happened & not the other crappy things I thought it might be. Fact: I'm terrified of being bitten by things that can inject you with venom. If I got bit by a snake I would probably just die from terror. The fact that I didn't even know I was bitten by the stupid spider makes me feel a little bit better but at the same time I find myself systematically checking all around my bed & in my clothes before I even consider getting into them. And I check all my shoes every night. Paranoia has got its firm grip on me until I'm 1000% sure there are no more beasts in my lair. Something awesome: I know my body can pwn spider venom. It took a solid 3-4 days for the pain/main symptoms to go away & I felt funky for a while after but I really didn't have any nasty side effects or issues after that. After much research I realized that 1. I need to re-do the weather stripping on my door so zero insects can get in. 2. cooler weather makes creatures want to enter your cozy abode 3. black widows like moisture & cool places like shoes so always check your shoes 4. each black widow egg sack can hatch several hundred babies (I found 7 egg sacs... 5.5 were empty... I burned the rest & hunted down others but am now vigilantly executing daily search & destroy missions) 5. although the bite from these beasts is greatly feared I'd be more concerned about the brown recluse bite, they cause much more damage & can actually mess you up royally, the black widow bite isn't really ever deadly & most people have zero problems/scarring. Bottom line.. spiders are still freaky & I'm still a hater. And it's totally worth going & buying that spray or having the orkin man come in his robot suit to destroy insectoids for you. This will never happen again. and here's a picture of the actual momma black widow that was in my shoe.....

My brother is going to invest it in plaster then cast it in metal so I can have it forever in statue form & also rest assured that it's death was as uncomfortable as my time dealing with it's chemical cocktail.

Strange Condition

2011-09-02T10:51:00.000-06:00

I don't know what to do. Although currently it seems that there isn't much I can do other than what I already have. Life isn't a movie where people win in the end & get exactly what they wanted. Most real situations like mine tend to end in disappointment. Knowing what I know now I would for sure have done things totally different but thats the glory of miscommunication. Thats the glory of having agency. We get to choose how we react but we often don't get to choose how we feel. Right now I feel like I need guidance on how to deal with this but am not sure mere mortals have my answers. Ideally I'd like a time machine. Realistically all I can do is hope. Honestly I think it might be a lost cause. The funny thing is I have this mental image of what I should do but know that it is not realistic nor wise. Prudence happens to be a forte of mine, although notably sometimes to my detriment. Soooo all I can really do is hope for the best & what I would like, but continue to prepare for whats more likely & start moving on. It's a lot like this actually.... sans firearms of course.

Time Travel, Emergency Rooms, and Radiation

2011-08-29T10:55:00.000-06:00

Spent most of the evening in the hospital, I'd felt like crap & had some gnarly pain in my abdomen so I went to the Urgent care who gave me a shot in my butt, sucked what felt like a gallon of blood, and made me pee in a cup only to tell me they thought I had appendicitis & needed to go to the hospital.... sooooo went to the hospital, got stabbed for blood a bunch more, peed in another cup & got an IV (luckily they gave me something that made me feel nothing for the next few hours) Got felt up by a doctor, did CT scans & then waited for eternity just to find out they don't know whats going on... they think I passed a kidney stone or my appendix is preparing to start a mutiny?? weird. I thought modern science could narrow it down a little better.... but at least I don't feel any pain right now. And I also have the comfort of knowing that my scans didn't show any aliens or tumors so I guess the hellish pain ain't so bad compared to what it could have been. Another thing I learned... CT scans are expensive... but cool & look like small stargates (without the hieroglyphs & water-portal thingy) sadly, when you go into one you are not taken to another point in the universe with Kurt Russel... just bombarded with radiation & given commands from a robot on when/when not to breathe. Thankfully, they drugs they gave me pretty much sent me on an intergalactic adventure. If that was a kidney stone I would hate to feel what it's like to have one that gets stuck b/c I was pretty miserable for two full days!! ugh. Anyways its' another indication that I'm not as invincible as I think I am....

Needs vs. Wants

2011-08-10T15:32:00.001-06:00

I think I need a vacation... somewhere exotic, tropical, preferably with sand & shallow crystal clear water. I need to clear my head. I need to re-focus. I need to grow up. I need to not be so serious. I need to stop caring about some things. I need to start caring about others. I need to be more outgoing. I need to let go & yet I also need to hang on. Apparently I need to re-vamp myself/life/etc.... again. For the better. For my sanity. For my future. I think that having & working at self-improvement is healthy... I just wonder if people that read this think I'm Satan or a douche or something. More like I'm really hard on myself & like to tear up parts I don't like & reconstruct myself on a semi-annual basis.... not out of pity or crap like that... more like I want to be who I think I should be & know I'm supposed to be (I just really suck at sticking to the program) Life is good just kinda routine & a little boring lately. The markets are insane! which in turn makes my job stressful (hence the need for vacation) I also miss a certain someone....and I know that certain someone will most likely read this & that's fine with me. I'm excited to see my brothers & sister-in laws (one isn't officially but it feels like she is) Friday can't come fast enough. I need to get buff again. I LOVE my nieces & nephew... they are the funniest cutest kids ever & I pretty much hate that they are getting older & growing up so fast. I love how my Dad & I are becoming such good friends... In one day of fishing I learned more about his life than I did in the previous 29 years of my existence. He's such an awesome person & example of overcoming horrible odds/situations & seeing the positive. Pretty much right now I am feeling really peaceful, content & happy... I just miss people that I care about & are far away & others that I've lost touch with. My needs are self-improvements & my wants are righteous desires so I'm feeling that I'm in the right place.... for once. Except the vacation... it's selfish & I don't care. I deserve it, it's been a crazy year. So now I need to figure out where I'm going & how to keep this zen buzz forever.

Amen bossanovas

LS

Dirty Thirty

2011-07-07T10:18:00.001-06:00

I have mixed feelings about this... My 20's were really good to me... but I'm happy with where I am in life & how I got where I am. Life is good, I've got good friends, a good job, awesome family, adorable nieces & nephews, and my motorcycle. Is my life what I thought it would be? no, it's actually completely different in some aspects but right on track with others. But I'm happy with the roads I've taken to get to this point and have minimal regrets. Sure there are things that I wish could have worked out & didn't but that's life... plus who knows? there's always second chances for everything... or thirds... or sometimes even fourths (I think I don't learn some things very quickly) There are people I miss, people I hope to never see again, and people I hope I run into, but regardless of whether it was a good/bad experience I wouldn't be who I am today without them. Yeah, sometimes I feel alone & stuff but I usually give myself a reality check & literally count my blessings (i.e. that I am not starving in Africa, getting shot at in the Middle East, being controlled by an iron fist in Asia/Russia, or other horrible situations that exist around the globe) You could argue that pretty much every American has it better than the majority of the world. We have problems but none that involve dallying with death on a daily basis or being repressed to death. Sometimes I have a crap attitude about things but it only lasts a day or two before I pimpslap myself into admitting I'm just being a little bitch. I think everyone has pity parties every now and then but the thing is (I currently need to grasp this concept as well) the past is the past... you can't change it... but what you can do is move forward knowing that nothing you do/feel/want can alter the fact that things happened the way they did. Yeah, regrets constantly smack around in my head but I can't change things... and I accept that & try to move on as best I can. Holy crap I wish some things were different... but they aren't & I understand & am ok with it. The only regrets I have are generally fickle & selfish & mostly stupid idiotic things I've done/said. The only things that still affect me are justified but they don't rule me. I hope this doesn't sound crazy? I've been realizing that since we are here to learn Godly traits I assume we are supposed to have a bit of suffering every now and then... so in a twisted way I hate yet also relish the hard times because that's when I tend to learn the most about myself & how I really feel about everything. Sometimes I feel alone & no one understands me & my awkwardass self.... but I am consoled by the fact that I try to be myself in all my ridiculous glory... no false pretenses, masks, fronts.... just awkward, nerdy, idiotic, me. Sometimes I try to apply a "shut the eff up" filter but unfortunately, I usually end up saying whatever pops into my head.... sometimes to my ultimate detriment. Other times things make 1000% sense in my head but when I open my mouth it comes out as absolute gibberish/harsh/slightly insane & it sucks but I can't help it. I tend to think logically & sometimes don't comprehend how my statements can be interpreted so many different ways.. also to my detriment. Maybe it's time I started trying to change this part of me (in addition to tons of other stuff) Introspection is tough, it's hard to admit you suck at things & try to change... it would be much easier if others just told you the things you suck at but most people are afraid to hurt peoples feelings. I guess self-mastery & introspection are just another stepping stone to becoming closer to the end goal but in the meantime it sure makes me feel like dirt.... which dampens the whole "have joy" part.... I need to not feel so guilty all the time, I blame myself for pretty much everything that goes wrong & can't help but feel the struggles I endure are directly related to my personal iniquities or failings. If God does hold grudges I'm toast but I sometimes wonder if he's just disappointed because I'm not living up to what he see's as my potential? and if so would that cause him to withhold blessings as a type of punishment? I hope not but ultimately wish I could have a pow-wow with the guy for some divine constructive criticism. This is getting waaaaay longer than I meant. It's time to listen to Henry B. Eyrings law of increasing returns .... it's really not the same to read vs. listen... his tone & manner of speech make a world of difference to me.

Peace honkeys

Return of the King...

2011-06-16T11:49:00.003-06:00

I've let him sleep too long... years ago, my friends and I ruled a rexburgian empire... our holdings were vast & our conquests many... then I graduated & turned into Mr. S-BS, got a 7-5 career oriented job & forgot how to act like royalty. My friends all got married & parties & chicks became less and less important when compared to my 401k match & profit-sharing. My demeanor became more structured & businesslike... and I forgot how to be a kid & act like the world revolves around me (doesn't it?) I like to think I'm calm & collected in dangerous situations(not involving snakes), stressful situations, really weird situations, or similar events (within reason, there are always extremes & everyone has the occasional freakout) The exception is when I'm confronted with the female situation... What the heck is it about girls that I find attractive that absolutely kills my composure & muddles my brain?? I turn into some blubbering idiot & say tons of stupid shit. It's super lame & annoys me to death. It also doesn't help that my buddy's totally exploit this problem of mine for sport... For example: went to my buddies baby blessing & saw a cute girl. realized my idiot mode had already kicked in so made sure not to next to her (lest I let my mouth open & make unintelligent noises) I was kinda hoping that someone/her would break the ice & I could use it as a stepping stone to a normal conversation where I actually manage not to say stupid stuff. Nope. My married buddy quickly comes over and while winking and elbowing me loudly says "HEY STAN, move over next to that hot babe so I can sit by my wife" yes... she heard him. Yes... I was instantly beyond embarrassed... I shot at him daggers that I wished drew blood & scooted over/tried not to pass out from the cold rush of blood to my head. I then tried to chat with her in my flustered state while my married buddies piped in other embarrassing comments & prodded me. I quickly felt extremely awkward/nauseous & fled the scene in the utmost of haste....end of interaction... I felt like a 12yr old... It's actually really funny now but at the time I wish I could have died. Sometimes I don't have problems at all... and it reaaaalllllly helps when I'm not super embarrassed from the start amigos. If there's a wing-man (that's not out to watch me squirm) I tend not to be such a sissy either. I give presentations to my colleagues, speak with top executives in major corporations, and own most situations that could be considered stressful..... but speaking with a girl I've never met or think is really pretty shatters all my composure in milliseconds... I hate it. It's stupid. Sometimes even though I've taken a girl out that I know really well I still have sporadic moments where I feel completely out of my element or say stupid stuff that I should keep in my head. What the eff does this to me? pheromones? adrenaline? the crazy awkwardness is sometimes funny, sometimes humiliating... but mostly the latter. I wish I could have had a re-do sometimes but I guess that's what makes dating so much darn fun...barf. Plus it helps when girls aren't so damn enigmatic all the time, don't us guys have to do enough of the work??? ohhhhh man... I don't even want to get started on that subject... On another lighter note... I realized that since this is bloggarito is public, people I interact with can read it.. so please...if you read my ramblings... try not to read into things I say, as I do this mostly for me to process thoughts/ideas or whatever is on my mind... not to get attention or be passive aggressive towards particular people... that would be totally lame for me to do. End of disclaimer. Soooo let it be known... I'm about to embark on a journey to conquer this stupidness once and for all, and bring back the once and future king. I hope my friends hold me up to this boast & Dan.... next time you make that offer... be prepared to fork over some cash... but for the love... don't hinder me by making things more difficult than they already are!!!!

-Matticus

Crux

2011-06-08T10:04:00.000-06:00

Do I extinguish the spark or fan it? My logic says to put that crap out before you get burned again while my emotions are attempting to throw combustibles on it. The problem isn't me... It's the enigma of others intentions. Did I make a mistake??? I don't know. The funny thing is that when people say to just go with how you feel it's not really good advice b/c you really can feel two completely different things at once. It's like I'm on a bridge, I've got a torch in my hand & no matter which side I choose I've got to light the bridge on fire when I cross. One side is a open to the public willy wonka land while the other is a private secluded trail that leads to a hammock, good book and home theater system with all my favorite movies. One is peaceful & stable yet lonely while the other is massive swings up & down but with people to keep me company. I can't have both.... but that seems to be what I want. The question is: can I have my cake & eat it too??? I don't see how it's possible. I hate letting myself care about anything but I understand that my logic is just trying to temper my emotions with a cold bath of past experience. Either way I don't know what to do. But what I do know is that I have to make sure I get my logic & emotions to make the decision together & not let one override the other. Ugh.

Hunter Gatherer

2011-04-12T09:21:00.000-06:00

Currently I blazed through the first 2 seasons of Sons of Anarchy.... if you are a male, watch it.... I guarantee you'll want to go buy the following 3 things 1. A motorcycle (preferably a Harley) 2. A big belt knife 3. A handgun. Also you'll probably want to quit your job, join a MC (motorcycle club) and start a life of crime. At least that's what happened to me. Workins for the birds... I want to ride around Nor-cal tearing stuff up & shooting rival gang members. OK...not really but my immaturity sure would like that. Also I've been getting in touch with my inner redneck & applied for various hunts this year. Turkeys & Deer... this is something I've never done & am a bit apprehensive about it... not about the shooting/stalking my prey part, but the part where I have to skin/gut/whatever you do once you've shot a wild animal... I consider myself outdoorsy & have camped/trekked all over the country but I already know that if I actually manage to kill one of those beasts I'll probably be like "uhhh sooo what now"? I have no clue how to do that stuff & I guess I better figure that out before I go killing (like Chuck Norris, I don't hunt... I kill) so we'll see how that goes. Side note: I spent 3hrs hiking up/through/down the Wasatch mountains in snow that was sometimes waist deep looking for Turkeys.... good exercise but overall a cold, wet, exhausting experience that resulted in us returning empty handed. We saw a female Turkey though... so I don't feel that cheated. Part of me wonders if I'm that guy that barfs if I have to do the butchering... Which led me to thinking, we've got it pretty easy these days, no messy bloody chopping beyond cutting the saran wrap off the packaged meat. And I, for one, admittedly I like it that way.. but I must appease my animal spirit & learn how to do this. Why? 1 part test of manhood & 1 part preparation. what if the proverbial crap hit the fan & the current system broke down? Knowing this crud could pay off/feed me. Also it's my weird dream to one day kill a buffalo with a spear on horseback so I think this is the first step to achieving that dream. Yeah, I know... totally weird... but for some reason I just have that desire & am gonna go with it. Just going on these little hunts has made me realize that it would have totally sucked to be a pioneer... that and the fact that they all probably smelled really bad too.. And not having electricity...barf. People that say they wish they lived back then are either stupid or delusional. Yeah life was probably more simple but life expectancy was half what it is today & I bet if you had a time machine & went back you'd be back to the future in no time... the past was only cool when we think about the big picture... wars, westward expansion, indians, exploration, etc... but the nitty gritty details of that life (poor hygiene, life expectancy, disease, famine, zero flushable toilets, nasty food, no hostess products, no coke, no dentist, crap doctors...) makes the reality of the past kind of a hygiene horror story to me. I know I could hack it but I'd rather not....one cold shower & I'd be back in the phone booth/DeLorean so instead I'll continue to be a modern man that dabbles in Davy Crockett-like behavior...while wearing deodorant.

Words of wisdom

2011-04-11T13:09:00.001-06:00

It's about time I had another movie clip post.... here's some of the best advice the silver screen has to offer...
Enjoy (warning... some contain explicit material that may not be appropriate for minors/religious fanatics)

The Facts of Life
Johnny Quid
How to Slap a Man
This is Your Life
The Fountain (the entire freakin movie)
Words of wisdom from Heman
Words of wisdom from Mr. T

As always.... more to come.

Matticus!

2011-04-04T15:23:00.001-06:00

These are the days when men cease to be Men.... yep, I made the first one lower case b/c guys today are little wimpy politically correct sissy men...This weekend I got to hear how "us" guys today aren't doing "their job" and people are wondering why.... and so my epistle begins...I was talking with a group of guys (late twenties) this weekend about changes in our society over the last 100 years & realized that we are a society of guys that are wimps.... even 50 years ago Men still existed in abundance but today's "man" is a far cry from that generation... let me explain. The modern man is a gaylord. And not only because he wears tight pants & has girl hair (bahahaha.. modern mens fashion is a completely different topic) But because no matter what our elders tell us... the problem with guys today is that they are letting emotions/delusions rule them, when it should be cold hard logic (mingled with sprinklings of appropriate emotional responses). Yes I know I'm generalizing but in my view there's far too many fancy-pants peter-panning around chasing after dreams of glory & deserving fortune, but there is a extreme lack of ambition to achieve said glory & fortune.... it's like they feel like they deserve it so it should just happen, or mommy & daddy should step in & deliver that which was promised during story time.... we are a spoiled society where parents have given too much... children don't have to work for what they want anymore, and if they do.... they are "emotionally scarred & mistreated" .... It's like everyone has great expectations but doesn't get that you're going to have to work if you actually want to achieve them... there's a sickening sense of entitlement... like individuals are owed things based on their own delusions of grandeur or because they had an easy upbringing. Men of the past weren't that way... they fought and died in wars... they watched their children & wives starve... they bled for their bread & tightened their belts while handing their morsels to those they loved. Sadly, those days are dead.... the rise of the modern man has forever changed society & what was once something respected (masculinity) has become something to be reviled.... the stoic Man that was a foundation for all he supported has now become a emotionally driven dandy that's sense of entitlement & fear has driven us down to the dust.... people wonder why there are so many divorces.... I believe it's b/c of this fantasy land people live in... we watch television (knowing its not real) but are somehow deceived into thinking that the farce on the screen is how life should be/really is... well I've got news amigos... if it was, then we would all be millionaires with amazing looking wives/husbands & we'd all have perfect teeth/children/etc.... So where's my ferrari!!! am I saying that we should be heartless cruel people devoid of all emotion? of course not! but something has to change. Today's "man" is yesterdays boy... Real Men should use hard work, logic, and reasoning to determine how their life should be/go. Using emotion sparingly and openly but only when necessary. It's not "cold" or "heartless" to not say everything you feel every second... its smart. There are those that depend on others to be their rock/foundation. If you reserve yourself you will be better able to cope during times of crisis and step up to the plate & alleviate those fears with reasoning and iron will. If you're a blubbering wimp along with the masses you'll get no where fast. It's not like those guys don't feel pain or sorrow. It's that they are able to cope with it and not let it crush them. (modern psychologists call it "internalizing".... I call it "bucking up") They do what needs doing and take care of business, saving their grief, pain, sadness, or whatever for the appropriate time. Life isn't easy. But Men don't expect it to be. They just press on and do what needs doing. Sometimes emotions get in the way of logic & reason... it's not that they should be brushed aside, more like they should be bridled & let the solution come at the behest of the reality & not the fantasy of the situation. I'm not saying be a insensitive hardass that is devoid of all emotion... that's stupid... but take into consideration that YOU are the master of your domain & YOU are the one people are going to look to when the crap hits the fan. Be someone people can depend on, lean on, and count on for sound guidance in times of trouble. Yes we live differently now than before... it's not life or death on a daily basis... but the way we have changed is NOT healthy. And in no way am I blaming this on the feminist movement. Women are entitled to the same freedoms and rights as men & I believe that the person with the brains should get the job regardless of sex/creed/color. I love independent women! To be totally honest I find successful women insanely attractive (as opposed to intimidating). But men today are much more feminine & I don't think it's doing any wonders for our society. Heck... look at what women today want in a man.... Edward the sissy sensitive undead vampire or uber groomed Zac Effron... which leads to my next point... what is expected of guys today? Women in our religion are taught to expect perfection and nothing less.... which is the opposite of what the guys are taught (just get married to a member of the opposite sex that breathes oxygen). The girls expect successful perfect men right off the bat and they should probably look like Brad Pitt to boot. The guys expect gorgeous women that will be perfect little Stepford wives.... It's like people don't get that you'll never find someone that is perfect, and that's why there are so many singles... Yes, I've dated girls that had things that drove me bonkers, but I totally understood (sometimes too late) that I have things that drive other people nuts too! That's life. I think finding someone you can love & be with forever is really finding someone where you recognize their flaws but they are insignificant when compared to their positives. Also someone that will stand up for their own beliefs/opinions while not stepping on others domineeringly. No one is perfect... and we shouldn't expect them to be. I'm not saying lower your standards to anyone!!! Just accept that you are an imperfect person and not the little lordling you think you are. Several of my past relationships hit bumps when either myself or the other party was unwilling to concede that fact & in time the relationship dissolved or suffered for it. Compromise & flexibility is VITAL for a relationship to work & I believe you should find someone that accepts you for you & expects the same in return... no pushing/harassing/controlling... just loving and accepting. Changes to those undesired aspects will usually result as both parties seek the greater good (although you should never, ever just marry someone hoping they will change... if you do, you'll probably end up disappointed). As for guys not being emotional enough.... well one day when things melt down for whatever reason (death in the family, loss of employment, strife) you'll be glad that you have a rock that can put aside his own grief/fear/pain to be the rock that says "everything will be ok" and actually mean it... because he knows he'll break his own neck to make sure you're taken care of & feel secure & safe. Not some wimp that will wail & moan beside you crying that all is lost & abandon ship. Real men don't ride the waves of emotion... they are the lighthouses that guide storm tossed ships back to port. And no.... I'm not this guy yet...nor am I pretending to be... but one day I hope to be. I lack in so many ways but I aspire to this paragon of Manhood... A caring devoted dude that sacrifices what is necessary to provide for others whether it's temporally, spiritually, physically, or emotionally.... without faltering or failing. so until I die, my resolve is not to seem the best but in fact to be the best... and that's entirely up to me to achieve.

p.s. I saw this website when looking for an Atticus Finch picture.... divine intervention

Music for the morning after

2011-03-03T10:13:00.001-07:00

Ok... so there's not going to be any rant, but I mentioned it before so I felt the need to include that word. done. Sooo yeah, it's been a few weeks of recovery & reflection. Not easy, nor fun. That's about all I'd like to say about that. Anyways, Lately I've been rediscovering old music in my archive that may be old school but is still totally awesome. Just to name a few.... Remember Bush? totally still awesome. Metallica? still has a rage-fueled spot in my heart, Oasis? awesome. CCR? EPIC. Pink Floyd? always awesome... it's almost to the point where I feel like not even bothering with new stuff b/c the old stuff is still sooooo gooood. Maybe it's the nostalgia? Most of the songs have some mental picture/memory attached from a particular time/point in my life.. whether it's walking around campus at school, some girl, or even one of those moments where time stands still & you just realize that everything is not only "ok" but it's freakin perfect. Certain songs have certain memories, some good, some bad... but the fact that music can still dredge emotions out of someone ten years after the incident, or take you back to your childhood is amazing. It's especially nice when you're looking to escape from your current reality. Every time I hear Pink Floyd I think of our red minivan & our exoduses to Idaho every summer, images of golden wheat blowing in the breeze, swaying cottonwoods predicting a summer storm, the dust kicking bits of everything across the corral, my grandmas homemade milkshakes & my grandpas old truck, hell... even the smell of the place... it's all there, waiting to be unlocked from the vault of seemingly forgotten memories by a series of chords & words that throw open the floodgates & remind you of better times. Cheesy? yes. But true (for me anyways) I listen to music all the time & most of the time prefer the nostalgia to the "noise" that fills 90% of the day.... even the stuff that brings back the darker days reminds me even though the memories may suck, the music is still good & I got through it in the end. Also cheesy. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we didn't have electricity.... part of me wants to make back up vinyls & get one of those wind up record players so if the shit hits the fan I'll still have my music. I dunno, I guess I'm just feeling really sentimental lately. Or maybe I just forgot how awesome older music was/is/will continue to be. Think about it... and in the meantime think about this too... “When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.” I agree wholeheartedly with that quote... sometimes music stirs something inside you that has never existed & may never truly exist... except in that moment... creating a memory that your future self will recall as one of these "moments in music" that make what was, at the time an ordinary event, into something extraordinary that you felt was epic or pivotal. For example, when I listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AEU5pBxY6E It brings emotions to the surface... no not the "I'm a weakling & gonna cry" type of emotions... I just feel this sense of something of epic proportions should be happening like a full scale battle or mortal combat between nemesis's ...or maybe it's just bipolar manifestations via delusions of glory & self-importance?? nah... more like awesome music doing it's job. Maybe that's a weird example but it's the only quick thing that came to mind. Another thought.. classical has a MUCH different impact on me than other types. I think guys like Mozart, Clint Mansell & ES Posthumus are inspired... can't say if it's divine but I sometimes wonder if they are truly God touched, or just savants, lacking in some areas whilst overly proficient in others... I don't know but music has been on my mind for weeks now... I love it... almost as much as I love breathing. End of epistle.

Viva Skeletor!

2011-03-02T14:44:00.000-07:00

It's true..... He has returned (in moderation of course....) I've got a rant brewing but have not the time to post... will do in the next few days... unless it's burned out, then I'll just write some funny shia.

uhhhhh.
uhhhhhhhhh
na-na-na-naaaaaaa

Update

2011-01-31T13:27:00.001-07:00

The previous post was written many months ago but I forgot to post it... I just read it & realized for the most part I am in agreement.... but current events have proven that I'm in fact not made of stone and capable of feeling. Yes she's pretty awesome/cute/cool/funny/etc.... Yes I sent skeletor on vacation, do I miss him though?? to be 100% honest.... sometimes.... but I think everyone has that part of themselves. Something I discovered over the last year that has been life changing... Exactly what makes this guy happy. People like to say that we can't be happy all of the time but I think taking time to figure out how you work, what your own issues are, and finding a way to change yourself so you can find a way to be happy no matter what is not only possible but something everyone should endeavor to do. It takes a lot of introspection, self-assessment, collective constructive criticism from friends, family, and even enemies/ex's, and a whole lotta patience and admissions of your own retardedness. The thing is: the assessment never ends. But the best part is once you've got your mind in the right place you can analyze things differently & process the changes in a much more organized & structured manner. Before I feel like it was insane chaos... 90% emotion 10% logic & reasoning... now I might have reversed that ratio which I can't tell if it is good or bad. Being skeletor had some negative effects I am just now realizing.... lack of emotion, lack of empathy, coldness, lack of feeling, and a attitude geared towards preserving of life on snake mountain at all costs. On the bright side I've gained more independence & realized that I'm the master of myself/happiness but other people can also add to it. Sooo I'm working on a happy medium. Life is good, my job is...a job, and the Realm of Stanley has a new addition! Pierce Markus Stanley.... awesome. I'll try to not suck at updating this in the near future. And I'll also continue to work on not being such a A-hole.

Sequence complete.

Senor Stanley

Catch-22

2011-01-31T13:01:00.001-07:00

It's been a while & I guess it's about time I spewed forth more banter on things that bug/inspire me. The situation is thus: I love my life. let me elaborate: I love my bachelor's/skeletor-like life. further elaboration: I love my single, drama free life. no more elaboration necessary. Things are good, my job is still there & there's always more to do, my nieces are the coolest people in the world, my good friends are slowly gravitating towards SLC, and I don't have any terminal illnesses to speak of. The problem is that according to my dads pep-talk last week I'm not "progressing eternally" blah blah blah. Here's where the catch-22 comes in....

Definition: Catch-22:

1. A situation in which a desired outcome or solution is impossible to attain because of a set of inherently illogical rules or conditions: "In the Catch-22 of a closed repertoire, only music that is already familiar is thought to deserve familiarity" (Joseph McLennan).
2. The rules or conditions that create such a situation.
A situation or predicament characterized by absurdity or senselessness.
A contradictory or self-defeating course of action: "The Catch-22 of his administration was that every grandiose improvement scheme began with community dismemberment" (Village Voice).
A tricky or disadvantageous condition; a catch: "Of course, there is a Catch-22 with Form 4868-you are supposed to include a check if you owe any additional tax, otherwise you face some penalties" (New York).

So basically in order to "progress" I am going to have to conform to the stupid rules/conditions that come before that, thereby sacrificing my current state of Zen to risk stress & emotional derailment all for the sake of something that is entirely dependent (within reason of course) on another person. Retarded. My mind see's this as me stabbing myself in order to "maybe" get into a paul walker type skull'n'bones club (minus the million dollar check & awesome vintage automobile).... it's gonna hurt, it's gonna be messy, it's gonna cost me time & money.... and I don't see how this "club" is really worth stabbing myself over and over hoping one day maybe I'll get in. Yeah, I want kids... Yeah I want to get married, but I guess I don't want to embark on the hellish road that takes one there (aka: dating with intentions of marriage). I've been around the block long enough to know that it's mostly scorched earth & demons when Matt Stanley (yep... third person) attempts the impossible. Maybe I'm biased or bitter, but I don't think so. Experienced is probably a better word. Yes I date, but I've steeled myself to not give a crap beyond having fun. No feelings, no commitments, no promises. Complete lockdown. No offense female readers but ya'll really are the main perps to the lack of marital bliss in the LDS commune...Now comes my reasoning- Men assume all the risk in the first place & then are expected to continue to do so while you guys sit back and gloat, only divulging scraps when it's convenient or you start to lose control. Veritable Puppetmasters of us poor helpless men... hahahaha just kidding. So in the last few years I've heard a bazillion girls complain that guys just want to "hang out" but strangely enough, they are the ones that are cryptic about everything under the sun & just sit back & let us duderino's spend our precious time & money when you don't really care but have nothing better to do...or conversely have crazy unrealistic expectations you stupidly share, like how much money they expect their fantasy hubby to make or saying stupid things like "I don't want to get married until later" that stuff makes guys like me have zero interest in even being friends with you & your retarded vocalizations. If you say things like that it shouldn't be a shock that you don't get a call to go out again...and FYI- we men do tell/warn each other about idiots/easy girls... so either keep banking on your hotness or be not surprised on those oh-so-lonely nights. We men have to do the asking, telling, paying, etc..... and you wonder why we are hesitant??? my advice to you single pissed off women: stop letting us guys ask you to hang out & say something snarky i.e. "Hey gaylord, are you trying to ask me on a date"?. I guarantee that will make most guys start stuttering. Dudes- If you want to take her on a date don't use anything other than that actual word. Doing otherwise allows loopholes in the whole shebang that will bite you in the butt later (i.e. the friend zone). Dudes & Betty's- If you're just interested in friendship make it apparent by using your larynx to create noises called words b/c body language/telepathy isn't going to work. ( heard a girl say "doesn't he know that if a girl doesn't look at you when she talks she's not interested"?? weird.. I would have mistaken that as shyness due to her basking in my glorious presence) and don't have your friend tell her/his friend... immature & retarded (not to mention you'll get a bad rap for being a douchewad). Knowing is half the battle for both parties. Again... maybe I just suck at picking girls but 99% of girls I've dated (over time.... none of this biz should be discussed without either; A long history of friendship that led to courtship or lots of dates) don't offer up any information without first milking everything they can out of you. Then, after making an assessment, us men get microscopic/vague uselessness that is typically generic & "safe" or on the flipside utterly creepy & crazy. barf on you ladies. Stop sitting back & crying b/c you never get asked on dates & get off your ass & do some of the work (or in some cases, stop saying retarded stuff) and speak up. Just thinking about starting to date with the intentions of finding an EC (Mormo lingo for Eternal Companion) makes me anxious & sick to my stomach.... maybe it has something to do with the experiences I've had over the last decade? or the ones that treat dating like a "Conan The Barbarian kills everyone" conquest of the opposite sex (serial daters)... I dunno, but my whole perspective on the intentions of females is officially warped, and its from my horrible experiences & observing them in the wild....not my subconscious or prejudices. Maybe I'm feeling this b/c I actually finally might have found a girl that doesn't suck & I'm subconsciously prepping my defenses for an all-out assault?? buuut it's probably that I just think too much. My analytical side is always waging war with my feelings.... lately the analytical has been ruling the roost & it's been nice... does that mean that I hate feelings? or just the roller coaster ride women put men through? The funny part is, dudes reading this probably pretend that this crap never occurred to them, or that it's an over-analysis by some sissy guy that got butt hurt. 98% False. This is basically a compilation of conversations/whinings I've had/had to listen to with guys & girls over the last year. Sometimes it was a dude bitching cuz he got the "just a friend/buddy chat" or lost out to that guy that was "just her guy friend", sometimes a sobbing girl that "will never date again" (ha), or even my own thoughts on the subject (2%). In the end both parties have some culpability. But I personally think it's time for women to step up to the plate cuz the majority of whining is coming from their direction. Now some sense & reason from the logical side of my brain- From a purely analytical standpoint, dating (for men) is the most incredible waste of time & resources one could make. You're basically investing/allocating time & resources into an endeavor that has a 99% failure rate... in my industry it's a no-brainer.... no return = no investment. I know... it's ridiculous to think about it that way & the last year or so I've adjusted that to not letting a scrap of emotions enter the game & so far it's worked wonderfully. No emotional risk yields a quiet, nice, level, zen-like state of being. Sadly it makes dating someone consistently a problem. This aversion to risk is hampering things but I can't help it. You get burned enough & you learn that fire is indeed hot... so you tend to stay the hell away from it. I follow the stupid rules & treat girls well & all that blah blah but that's not it... it's that you can play by all the rules, take on the risk, do what feels right/wrong, and all the rest of the generic caca but in the end you're gambling against the house that it's gonna work out in the short term (let alone the cliff jump into nuptials).... oh and this casino has only one game: Five bullet Russian roulette. So it;s either brains on the wall or euphoric victory. Thus ends my testibaloney on why older guys like myself don't like dating nonsensical girls & much prefer to "hang out", thereby averting heavy long term emotional risk whilst deriving short term physical returns. hahaha I kiiiiiiiiiiiid.

Name'o'Jesus Amen

I hope you enjoyed reading this burlesque masterpiece as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Nueva York, Weddings, and Mayhem.

2010-08-02T14:39:00.001-06:00

So I wrote this huge post about my trip, my brothers wedding, and other stuff but then I realized it was lame so yeah, scratch that crap. People have been bugging me to post so here: Went to NYC in June, saw awesome friends & had a blast. Ate GREAT food again (Utah cuisine is goat crap in comparison) got training I've wanted for work so all in all it was a great trip (downside was terrible heat & constantly feeling like a sweat mop). Wedding- Bug (little brohelm) got hitched, he's happy, she's happy, so I'z happy. congrats, love you both, go make a nephew so I can have a sidekick (but seriously it was nice & I like Kelly & her family) mayhem? dunno where I was going with that. I've mostly recovered from the dirt-bike incident (new scar on my arm) and am about to possibly repeat it this weekend on another outing. Saw friends in Idaho, fun except scotty was missing *sad face, tears blah blah blah* I hope we all can get together again this fall though cuz I really did have fun seeing everyone on my expeditions this year. Anyways my life the last few months has been chaotic, exhausting, and all over the place. I work too much. I don't fish/camp enough. I miss my college buddies and brothers. I miss Jeb. But life itself is great, it just seems like there is never enough time to do all the things I need to or all the things I want. I assume it will be like this until I die...lame. My brother is going to have another kid & it better be a boy... I love my two little nieces but it would be so awesome to be able to have a nephew to teach awesome things like how to make dry ice bombs, or how to build potato guns, or just good'ol throwing rocks at cars. My nieces just want to do things like have tea parties or do girlie things.... the fact that I suck it up and participate for the happiness of two little girls doesn't change the fact that I feel like a gaylord the entire time. Maybe I'll just adopt my own kid? maybe train him to be my bodyguard/assassin? that would be awesome. Plus I would totally be an awesome dad. Who needs a mom anyways? they just make you soft and stuff... I bet Ivan Drago didn't have a mom & he turned out to be pretty awesome (anyone that can max out a Russian punch-o-meter is automatically awesome...even if Rocky beats them in the end) But besides more money, the only thing I feel like I would like to have is; more time to just do whatever I want. I want to travel more & spend more time abroad. I want to learn other languages and experience foreign cultures (how badass would it be to speak Chinese/Thai???). What I don't want: to constantly keep hear my elders and others say I'm "missing out on life" because I'm not married with children. Hell, they make it sound like it's something you can find on sale at freaking Target! seriously, what the hell? I've not sat around twiddling my thumbs all these years, I've had plenty of girlfriends, continue to date plenty & whatnot but it just ain't worked out. Sure it would be nice to have a family but when people then go and suggest I just marry a friend "because you get along so well".... what the eeeeefffff??? I totally call bullshit. I highly doubt you advice givers would have married your significant other if you didn't love them or want to get freaky with them. And for the record: I don't feel the need to do something just b/c it's the "norm" for our culture or just to check it off some predefined redonkulous list. Last time I checked there are no age regulations so please back off. I'll tell ya what....when I find a girl that is attractive, agreeable, and am retarded in love with, (and that happens to feel the same way about me) I'll seal the effffffing deal. Hopefully I'll still be fertile when/if it does happen, but if not... oh well. I've fought the good fight plenty of times & let slide opportunities as well but one thing is for sure.... although there are a couple things I would alter slightly I'm pleased with the choices I've made. I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have the good/horrible experiences I did & I'd much rather be alone and happy than married to someone I don't love, that would make me miserable. Epistle over. On an awesome note I got my dad the coolest fathers day present ever... only requirement... he gives it back when he dies. I bought this book about our family line in England that was printed in the 1800's its got excerpts from three of our direct ancestors. It has a bunch of history/stories about how badass they were as well as actual excerpts from their personal writings!!! I bet most people don't really think thats all that cool but whatev's, my great x 10 grandpappy probably ruled over yours sucka!! I now delcare Prima Nocta for all of Utah..... long live me.

New Mexico.... Where the air tastes like blood.

2010-05-24T16:42:00.001-06:00

We'll get to why it tastes that way but first I would like to say how much I've enjoyed the last few weeks. One of my best frengs got married and that also let me see a bunch of my other best friends, chaos & awesomeness ensued. Then I went to Puerto Vallarta for a week of glory. I'd like to use the "f" word to emphasize how awesome it was but I have no idea how sensitive the people that read this are. So I'll go the Utard route and say it was "so fetchin awesome" FACT: Matt Stanley does not like the ocean- It is vast and full of unknown creatures... I've never really enjoyed swimming in it due to unnatural and ridiculous fears i.e. A megladon/plesiosaur eating me, an Architeuthis rising from the deep to grab me with it's tentacles, or just any shark ever swimming near me. I sucked it up though and went snorkeling. It was a terrifyingly epic adventure. I saw huge ass eagle rays and other saline swimming creatures. But I still remain extremely wary of the ocean and it's inhabitants. If you are planning on going to Mexico, Puerto Vallarta is the way to go. You can drink the water, it's really safe, the food is awesome, the people were nice, and it was basically an amazing place. The street tacos were the best thing ever, and I think I ate a pineapple a day. Surfing = easier than boogie boarding (although this might be b/c of my not-so-slight figure) and deep sea fishing was a crapshoot (we caught fish but not too much, I think it was a crappy time of year to fish) Bottom line : I love that place and plan on going back many times. Now on to the taste of death. Although my mouth was full of dirt & other shiz that made it's way in during my flight, for the rest of the day my mouth tasted like metal. What happened? I was dirtbiking in New Mexico with my cousins and I thought I was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay hardcorer (new word) than I apparently am. I went down a hill gung-ho and paid the price. Eyewitnesses reported my ass lifting off when I hit the first bump and I was in full flight when I hit the second. I managed a full rotation with a slight twist spanning over +/- 25 feet whilst 4ft off the ground. Impact with the terrain was..... unfavorable. Ragdolled/skidded another several feet before sliding to a stop. Total spectacle was described as "totally awesome" (which, of course, is EXACTLY what I was shooting for....I aim to please) What I remember thinking prior to everything is as follows: "wow this is steep.... maybe I should go around..... but then I'll get crap for being a pussy, so just do it or you'll regret not trying.... buuuuut it's really steep. whatever, nate thinks I've got it so I'll just do it like he said...here goes nothin.... wow... i'm goin reaaaally fast, what the hell... the brake isn't working." **Bump #1** "F$%# " **Bump #2** "we have liftoff" Next I remember spinning tons, hitting my chest really hard, bouncing, hitting my head, seeing black with blue explosions, hitting my shoulder then sliding to a stop.... enter pain stage right. You just survived my dirtbike wreck. I have bruises on my face, knees, ribs, back, chest, arms, shoulder, and back. But I somehow avoided breaking any bones, or hitting the cactuses I landed near. It was a miracle. but it still hurt(s) like a you know what. On the bright side, I had a blast in New Mexico chilling with my homeboy Nate & I'd like to publicly thank my cousin Sharon for alleviating the initial onslaught of pain with a pretty little pill. Although my body hates me, I had a blast. My cousins are just like me.... awesome.

Selective Socializing.

2010-03-31T10:02:00.002-06:00

I may or may not have achieved Zen. Life is good, crazy busy, but really good. Lately I've had this overwhelming feeling of inner peace & contentment and I know exactly why. I don't give a crap. Seriously. I could care less about social circles, stupid run of the mill conversations with people I just met but will most likely never talk to again, sharing my life stories with strangers, etc... I guess it could just be selfishness manifesting itself as what my friend recently called my "antisocial behavior" but whatever. I like how my life is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. I like not having to deal with other peoples drama or listen to them babble about things I could care less about, I like coming home from a long day at work & being able to read a book/watch tv/do whatever with zero distractions, I like my life. period. I'm not antisocial... more like... socially selective. I don't like going to stupid mass gatherings (usually consisting of lame or cheesy activities) full of marriage-hungry singles that seem to only care about what I do for a living, what I look like, hooking up, or what I can do for them. It's also interesting how quickly people can suddenly take interest when professions are discussed. And no, I'm not just talking about girls, guys do it too... they call it networking, I call it annoying netjerking & no I don't want your contact information. Basically I guess I'm saying I like my current friends, it doesn't matter that they are all over the place. I don't need a million acquaintances anymore. I don't need to feel popular or even liked. I don't care if you don't like me and I'm pretty good at seeing through the BS people that see other humans as resources to advance their own agenda, whatever it may be. Chances are I'm not going to bend over backwards for you if you don't take the time to actually get to know me. Maybe I'm just an A-hole? But at this point I don't really care. I love my life & don't need to surround myself with Machiavellian, fake people just to increase my friends on facebook. So I resent being called antisocial.... I see it as a calculated opportunity cost: it's a waste of time & resources dallying with people you'll probably never really get close with. It's much more efficient to allocate said time & resources to established relationships or educational endeavors. Maybe it's just the people here in Utah? sometimes when I accompany my amigos to these group functions I feel like I hit the flux capacitor & went back to high school (minus the whole awkward voice cracking hair in funny places everyone needs deodorant biz) so yeah, call me whatever you like but I have no desire to interact with people that are in their mid to late twenties but still act like a teenager in one of those high school musical movies. I guess it's cuz I'm oh so mature? yeah right I'll always be an immature idiot. It's more like I could give less a crap about being part of the scene/popular. It ain't quantity amigos it's quality... and Utah is severely lacking in the latter... I, on the other hand, am not.

-Grandpa Stanley

To: The Half-Ass Assassin

2010-03-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

So someone crawled under my car and "deliberately tampered" with my shiz. What the hell? the mechanic (who used the aforementioned words in quotes) asked me if I had tinkered with it & I was like "uhhhhhh why would I need to monkey around with a brand new car"?? he was apparently wondering the same thing. He then told me to watch my car VERY carefully..... with much emphasis on the italicized word....weirdness?? to be honest I instantly was pondering those who I might have pissed off recently.... and then pondered how shitty they are as a killer if they cut the power steering line instead of something important, like my brakes or gas line. So congrats to whomever you are... you successfully made steering difficult (although you did waste a chunk of my time) and you are an amateur saboteur & probably suck at life as well. But it still makes me wonder who the heck would crawl under my car and cut stuff up??? honestly?? Know this suckafish: You did not do any significant damage nor did you cost me a wooden nickel (FYI-wait a few years/100,000 miles for all my warranties to expire) and most awesomely: I'm still 1000% alive.... in fact my forearms are even buffer from the workout they got steering the Radmobile around town w/o powersteering. So I guess I should say thanks for the workout. Next time you want to get revenge do your homework and really try to find a way to mess things up cuz all you did was put this mug on red alert so beware.... the Lord is now vigilant.

p.s. just in case you are contemplating a repeat effort (although you should do some research about how engines work and such) know this: I recently acquired one of these **CLICK ME** and will not hesitate to use it.

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A Select Start.

2010-02-10T12:16:00.000-07:00

Having infinite lives would be totally awesome. But would you feel the pain every time you died?? those dudes in Contra were hardcore. This game stirs memories from my misspent youth.... blasting away at digital creatures for hours. BUT I credit Nintendo with my cat like reflexes & amazing hand to eye coordination.... if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be able to kick ass at Xbox & other games nor would I be able to karate chop stuff out of the air with ease, block punches effortlessly, and tons of other hand related tricks. Thank you Nintendo for making me even more awesome and for adding "alien ass kicker" to my resume.

Four Motharrr Russia

2010-01-20T13:34:00.002-07:00

I've noticed that we all seem to have a little Russian in us... and if you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about, just think about it. Here we are, English speakers, and every now and then we can't spit our words out in a intelligent native sounding sentence, instead we blurt out something that is a mix of English words scotch taped together in a spastic fashion For example: My friend said "you want come with us" the omission of the word "to" instantly transforms the sentence to a Eastern Bloc accent in my head and mockery swiftly spews forth from my mouth. It's sometimes humiliating (in a meeting at work..*unless it's someone else*) sometimes hilarious (anytime other than work). But seriously... it happens to everyone, the question is: Why? is it because we suck at our native language? or because some of us have incredibly intelligent & fast brains that our mouths can't keep up with? or because a momentary lapse of reason? Wikipedia seems to know the answer... it's called Cluttering or tachyphemia. So check it out b/c that my friends, is what lets us speak English in Russian...

Another mystery solved Comrades....

-LS

The Ex-Girlfriend

2009-12-29T12:58:00.007-07:00

Sooo I did it... I got back together with my X... I know, I know... I'm an idiot... but I honestly have to say that I realized she's everything I've ever wanted and was foolish to take such a lengthy break. Before you think about chewing me out here are some of my reasons for the blessed reunion: She listens when I talk to her, tells me only really important updates on her life, lets me play video games (in fact she loves it when I do), lets me hang out with virtually anyone I want, only bugs me once a year for money, doesn't talk back or annoy me, has meltdowns once in a blue moon (and it's never my fault) is easily turned on & doesn't want to snuggle/chitchat after I get my game on, loves watching movies with me, lets me boss her around, doesn't care if I swear at her or around her, is infinitely patient, always does exactly what I want, she's rarely stubborn or demanding, she's tall, skinny & has curves in allllll the right places, she doesn't cheat but is totally cool with it if I do, she's always waiting for me when I get home & is totally fine should I choose to neglect her... basically she's perfect in every way possible and it's impossible to ever find a woman like her. So without further delay let me re-introduce the love of my life.....Bertha

She's on the left wearing white (I have no idea who that girl holding her is..)

Suckers.....

-LS

Soooooo

2009-12-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah, by the last few posts you might get the impression things are not so good for me.... quite the contrary. This happens to be a "in the moment" blogaritto that I sometimes vent on. Blessedly I am pleased to inform those that read this that, although the last year has been literally one of the craziest, most stressful, insane times of my life, I am also blessed a thousand times over. I have a job in this crazy economy, I have a warm home and enough to eat, I have a kickass family and totally awesome friends that support me, I have a solid relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ & God the father, I have my health, and soooo much more. There's ten times the good in my life than there is the bad.... Things at my job just got a heck of a lot better, personal trials have come to an end & the realization that you can only do your best is finally settling in this thick skull of mine. The problem is that I'm extremely hard on myself but for good reasons!! EX: should Jesus show up at my place tomorrow, I know I'm not who/where I want to be & shrink at the thought of that awesome yet possibly destructive meeting (by destructive I mean me being burnt to a crisp for being so wicked all the time). Each day is a blessing & we truly are lucky to be alive where we are/when we are. The silly little things I complain about on this are really just introspection or observations of things I see and need to apply in my life... when the trials pass I can come back and see how things turned out and where I went right/wrong. BUT if there's one thing I wish to express it's that everyday is a blessing, and also a trial. I suck at being peter priesthood, but I have a firm testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and how it blesses my life every single day. For all the things (good & bad) that I've been through it's easy to see that it was all for my own good & I was able to extract the lessons/applications that were meant for me. I'm a very blessed person and hate to think I don't acknowledge that fact. I still hate Christmas shopping though... it frickin sucks. Going to see Avatar tonight & I'm excited, Miss you frengs and hope all is well!

Peace & Joy to all my Homies,

Senor Stanley

Merry F#*$ing Christmas Bia

2009-12-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

Bwahahahaha!!!! noooo I'm not a grinch, just realized I DO NOT feel the holiday spirit this year. I used to LOVE everything about this friggin holiday but this year.... I loathe it. Long lines, bitchy sales people, evil item snatchers, efffff finding parking, and a million other annoyances. But honestly I know why I hate this particular holiday season and it's my own fault.... see... I usually have all my shopping done by October or November at the very latest. Due to a insane year of slavery a la office that didn't happen. So I've finally had to experience what my previous genius prevented.... and I hate my life. Goal for next year : be done shopping by the usual time frame. orrrrrr bring a taser/tranquilizer gun with me so I can "take care" of all the problems I've experienced the last week or so. I Matthew Stanley swear on the blood that I will never do my Christmas shopping in December again (unless it's for the next year) or may my blood boil and I give up my first born.... (or if I do everyone is getting gift cards) I am officially a roid rager & didn't know it until I was at target and people were everywhere and all I could think about was drinking some riot punch and going ballistic on the shovey rude people & kicking annoying demon childrens faces off. Yeah that's right... someone stole the jelly out of my doughnut. Anyways Merry Christmas friends. I hope ya'll weren't stupid like me.

I feel better now. and Happy Chanukah as well

You ever get the feeling...

2009-12-15T10:14:00.007-07:00

That someone is totally full of crap & then confirm it? it's a paradox, you feel vindicated but at the same time disappointed b/c you were hoping to be wrong. It's funny what people think they can get away with. It's also sad what people are capable of because they think they can get away with it. It gets even better when you know the truth & then continue to go along with the charade until either the truth comes out or you walk away cuz the crap just gets deeper. That may sound strange but I'm not one to confront people, it never does any good, you never get real answers just more lies so it's better just to cut your losses & peace out. Doing things that way also gives the person an opportunity to rectify the situation and redeem themselves (cuz lets face it, we've all been guilty of this at some point) It's sad though.... I don't get why people do those types of things in the first place... it just ain't right. People today expect what they aren't willing to give (the truth). Homey don't play that. And this applies to friendships, relationships, marriages, and pretty much every other human interaction. Look at all the high profile people in positions of public trust/power/influence that live double lives....they may be good at what they do but they suck as a person. It's yet another example of how crappy people are becoming.

Homo Erectus Sinistre

2009-12-11T11:10:00.002-07:00

People are funny.... I recently noticed that for the most part (emphasis on MOST PART) people only seem to want what they want until they actually get it... and I mean that across the board, whether it's material goods, affection, or even a lifestyle. Why is that?? is it normal?? and yes I am totally guilty of lusting for things and then once I attain them I lose interest quickly (video games is a perfect example) Is it that we are easily bored? or is it that feeling that you've got it, now it's time to find something better? Where is our ability to be content? how come we can't appreciate things more, especially when we've fought long and hard for them? It's weird hearing someone talk about their promotion yet complain that they felt they deserved better. Or watching a guy/girl finally get that person they were chasing just to lose interest once the chase is over.... it's effed up. Like I said, in no way am I perfect but I am disappointed in people in general regarding this. Another weird aspect is how people go bonkers when that thing/person/situation they took for granted finds new life elsewhere. It's crazy how quickly people all of a sudden appreciate something that they didn't give a crap about (but only because of an outside stimulus) Is it greed? selfishness? failure to fully appreciate blessings?? What makes us act so retarded? the last five or so years have taught me much, like making sure to actually think about why I want the thing in the first place, or what are the pro's and con's?? is it worth a long term investment or is it just a whim? My goal is to think it all through before I go all in. It doesn't always work though. But I've finally got a good grasp on recognizing what my motives/intentions truly are and what the possible consequences of my actions will be.... It's others motives/intentions that remain the enigma and based on experience I definitely lack faith in my fellow man to do the same. Does that make me bad/paranoid? I consider it self-preservation... thoughts amigos?

New Moon Sneak Preview!!!!!

2009-11-17T11:45:00.005-07:00

oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, *teenage angst* oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, *teenage angst* oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, oh edward, oh bella, *teenage angst*. There you just saw the movie. oh wait... i forgot to add the jealous dire wolf.... Oh bella ooowwwwooooooooooo! *flex half naked* fight, kiss, dakota fanning, more fights, face stare x 7000, crying, depression, more *teenage angst*, final fight. roll credits.

Sooooo I think this is funny. I bet most of the girls on this planet would like to lynch me but whatever.... Vampires don't #*$&ing sparkle in the sun, they combust. duh. And Werewolves are 100% not Dire Wolves... Man, some huge nerd like myself should get paid to make sure these people follow all the rules when it comes to Vampires, Werewolves, Magic & such.... I mean everyone knows you can't triple stamp and double stamp so what the hell are they thinking?!?!?! I'm excited for Avatar to come out.... and yes, I am going to see New Moon...... although I'll probably get all irate and fussy about her warped perceptions on immortals & shape-shifters. On a side note- I got the new harry potter a few weeks ago & have watched it a millionty times & can't wait for the next ones. Wow. I really am a huge dork, I mean *ahem* AWESOME. hahaha edwards wearing a snuggie..... although thats a cool color for a snuggie he still looks like sleeve of wizard....

LS

The Reckoning

2009-11-05T11:28:00.004-07:00

Let me first apologize for the sappiness that is about to come forth...For some reason this clip reminds me of my friends..... except the whiner girl at the end... she reminds me of stupidity (dainty dudes should never insult uneducated people with guns). Lately I find myself wishing my close friends were... well... closer. Though time zones and miles may separate the lot of us, I'm constantly reminded (and grateful) for the people that accompany me on this earthly adventure. Times are a'changin but one thing that hasn't is who I consider my true friends. Sure we all meet new people (I call them acquaintances until they earn the right to be called friend) in our separate lives but in all sincerity I've yet to find people I'll let get anywhere near as close as those I call my real friends. Heck some of you may not even know how or what I think of you but for me it's really not what someone says so much as what they do or are willing to do on your behalf (whether its to kick ass for you or kick your ass when it needs kickin). There's a handful of people in this world that might not be my relatives but, in my eyes, are blood to me. For some it's out of deep respect & bonds of friendship we have formed. For others it's the sincere gestures, honest advice, consolation, and love you've shown to myself or others with no ulterior motives or selfish intent. For all of you that I call my friends... I just want to say thanks for being who you are, were, and aspire to become, as well as helping me recognize my own potential. It's reassuring to know that so many noble & great people have been a part of my life and continue to be a part of it. I've had times where something so simple or just a few hours of shootin the breeze made a world of difference to me and I fully realize I suck at saying thanks. Other times I've reached out & you not only answered the call but brought the cavalry with you. I know I'm not the best friend in the world and apologize for my failings & stupidity but what I want most is for them to know that I'm YOUR best friend too. I've been thinking a lot lately & realized how kick-ass my friends really are. I don't say it enough but I love you all (I mean that in the creepiest way possible) and will do everything and anything I can to return the kindness/concern/love you've shown me. Just remember, I'm not rich yet so don't ask for money.... So friends: should you ever stand in need, all you need to do is ask....

Sincerely,

Matticus

Do you like my painting?

2009-10-02T14:48:00.003-06:00

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on and individual level. It's got to happen inside first. You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can't be granted. Nobody can win it for you. People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. ”

-Jim Morrison

And no... I'm not all butt hurt or anything, I just agree with his thought process (except I believe we should experience & accept pain, but not dwell on it unto the point of consumption) plus The Doors kick ass. Amen.

Mating.....

2009-07-08T12:58:00.005-06:00

So thats bogus... no mating will be discussed in this episode. But I would love to give a shout out to the guy that sat next to me on my flight from Minneapolis to Denver!!! Thanks for farting for what seemed like the ENTIRE flight!! It was soooooooo awesome smelling your gnarly butt bombs whilst we rubbed shoulders in seats already way too close!! I assure you that if I had eaten anything before the flight....you would have been wearing it.... for realz amigos... this guy was somethin else. Not even the overhead jet fan could dissapate them with the frequency he was flingin his private brand of fungal mushroom buttbreeze... it could have been classified legitimately as chemical warfare (it was a mushroomy mustard gas)... From this day forward he shall be know as "The Prince Of Putrescence" I've burned his visage into my brain and swear by the blood, that should we meet again, that day will indeed be his last.... I cringe when I think about that flight... anyways, Whacko Jacko is dead. that is all i have to say about how much i dont care about that. Billy the infomercial guy died too & I saw him on TV waaaay more in the last few years. (in addition to his awesome inventions he was a secret spokesman for Just for Men) Mcnair got gunned down by his crazy ex-concubine (serves him right for cheating & his widow is now rich and single.... wonder if she likes white dudes?) and Farrah Fawcettface died too. thats four people I don't have to worry about anymore b/c all i ever do with my life is track the lives of celebrities and worship the ground/screen they walk on!!! NOT ( <--- awesome 90's term i plan on reviving....PWNED/FAIL is stupid) anyways I know he was the king of pop and all, but he stopped being cool after cory feldman made that weird movie about dreams and acted like Jacko the whole time. <--tangent. I maaay or may not be disgusted with myself for even talking about this all soooo time to switch topics. actually, i'm gonna end this one rightttt there... until later amigo's and to the Prince....beware.

Patience

2009-06-09T12:34:00.004-06:00

Below is the definition of Patience-

1.	the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

2.	an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.

3.	quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

I would like to think I have lots of this... and in some respect I do... but lately i've been realizing that I suck at being patient. Good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, blah blah blah.... it's so hard to be patient! even when you know its the right thing to do, or that it will eventually happen.... it's that sense of entitlement that causes the hardship.... and as much as you would like to think you're patient... once you get that panicked feeling where you think the world is crumbling and you're about to give in, thats when you need to suck it up and flex all your muscles like Bruce-frickin-Lee, adopt the stoneface ironheart style & reasses the situation. If it's meant to happen... it will. Gods concept of time sure as crap isnt ours and sometimes days turn into months, and months then turn into years, but surrendering your will & desires (even righteous ones) is neccesary to realize your full potential. Its not our place to make demands, just accept blessings & hope for the best. I find that when I'm trying my hardest (or feel like I am) is when I have the hardest time. Its like climbing a huge cliff & getting to the top only to realize the "top" is the bottom of another cliff. BUT! the true comfort lies in turning around and looking at the view from the one you just scaled... sure it could be a nice view or has scary things that happened on that particular climb, but its also being able to turn back around, face that new obstacle & start climbing again instead of dwelling on your last one entirely (you can't forget or you'll repeat mistakes, duh). There may never be a "top" to the cliffs but the view will get clearer & clearer as you go up & the climb will get easier as you learn to look out for things that previously caused hardship or struggles. Zen masters have it right... through meditation we can resolve our issues if we are willing to confront them head-on & face the reality of ourselves. We are not perfect.... (and if you think you are, I know this guy named Jesus that'll tell you otherwise) but how many people are able to slay their own demons & accept that they have flaws? most of us have to have them pointed out by other people.... Introspective personal analysis is difficult but when you reach the point where you can see & alter the natural man inside yourself, it's my belief that you are starting to get the big picture... (p.s. LDS people call meditation "pondering" but its the same freakin thing). Now I'm not sayin sit around all day & think about how messed up you are... I'm just saying if you aren't happy, you're the only one that really knows why & how to go about fixin it. So take a seat, open your mind & start slaying your dragons. It takes patience & resolve, I know this because sometimes it takes me years to overcome my own issues, but there's an inner peace knowing that you are the master of your mind & can change yourself if you want to. anyways this is a rambler but yeah.... once again i'm reminded who's timeframe i'm on (not mine) soooo until then i gotta keep climbing cliffs & practicing my Zen ninja arts while accepting that fact that the Universe does not revolve around Me (although I think it probably should) Life is good, not easy, but good. Patience teaches us perspective suckas.... and sorry for the spat of seriousness, I promise to slink back into debauchery & sarcastically ill humor on my next post. & these posts are reminders for me, myself & I on my own introspections.... in no way are they aimed at others.

Peace foo's

Mr. Stanley

Today.... not so much

2009-05-14T14:30:00.004-06:00

So this morning on my way to work I got an effing speeding ticket from a dude that looks just like senor estrada over there & rode a copocycle.... last week some douche gave me a ticket for expired registration (it wasnt expired! I was waitin for the effin stickers to come in the mail) soooooooooo today started off awesome. Additionally my mind's a mess, I'm tired, dont feel good, & am discouraged with "stuff". That said.... it's my own fault. I shouldnt have been speeding... I should have sent for those stickers earlier.... I can't control shut-down mode for my brain but I can control what/who I let bother/affect me.... so pretty much complaining about my predicaments is retarded... I'm the one that created them in the first place. As for today's mental meltdown, I think its healthy that we get discouraged & lose hope every now and then because then The Man gets to remind us of everything good in our lives so we quit bein sissy's... Sometimes situations suck. Right now I've got one thats just wearing me down. But I'm learning patience & to put my logic aside & just do what feels right. My mind screams at me to do one thing while my heart & el Senor tell me to do another... adversity... such a negatively associated word... but it's not, it's what makes us who we are. Its not what happens to us but how we react to the adversity that shows our true desires & character. I bet tomorrow is going to be much better than today, but if not, I'm sure I'll survive... getting through the tough times makes me appreciate this life so much more, but not knowing how long its gonna take is the hardest part for me... buuuuut I'm blessed, I know it. "Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome." soooo I guess my point is... don't let the bastards grind you down amigos.... buck up, pay your dues & endure. Things dont always work out the way you want them to, but if your hearts in the right place & you are tryin to do your best you'll be ok. Just don't expect anything or chances are you're going to be dissapointed more often than not...

Peace.

Ten reasons we need to perfect cloning

2009-04-23T15:18:00.004-06:00

1. Cloning me would make the world that much more awesome

2. Easier to repel Zombie's if we have armies of me and my frengs

3. Men wouldnt need women anymore.... <-- that statement is just a joke ladies... we would still need ya to cook us dinner.... bwahahahaha!

4. Ummmm spare parts.... like that movie The Island, except keep them in coma's so they don't get smart & escape & eff up your ability to replace body parts that crap out on ya.

5. I would, in effect, never die. but would my clone have my sense of humor/personality?? i'd hate to have a clone that wasn't up to par...

6. You could use your clone as a decoy (to go do dude stuff) and wives could also use them for tasks they don't like..... think about it.....

7. You could see what you would look like with tatoo's or cool scars beforehand. then self mutilate if it's awesome looking.

8. You could make your clone go to work for you on slow days & if spoken to just have him cough a lot & say he took too much dayquil.

9. Fodder for enemies whilst you beat a hasty retreat.

10. You could clone hot babes.

Why in the hell are they cloning sheep & the like when they could be cloning hot babes?? duuuh. nerd scientists wouldnt know what to do with them. Those freakin geeks need to put me in charge & I'll take that crap to the next level. I'd go all jurassic park & bring back some dinosaurs in addition to babes. So yeah, maybe I should have gone into science cuz those guys have zero imagination..... effing sheep....booooooorrrrinnnngggg!!! How about a T-Rex outside your bedroom window?? or takin the kids for Stegosaurus rides in the summer? awesome.

Spiritual Pimp-Slapp

2009-03-05T13:42:00.006-07:00

I just listened to this today:
http://lds.org/broadcast/ces/0,7341,538-1-61-1621,00.html
apparently I was wondering what the five fingers said to the face and President Hales had the answer..... but it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm no peter priesthood but hearing talks like this make me want to try harder to be the guy I'm supposed to be, instead of the idiot I am.... I admit I'm feelin like a total homo for posting church talks but this one was a kick in the face that I needed & if you haven't heard it you should.

Conquest or Capitulation?

2009-03-02T14:20:00.010-07:00

In war these are terms of ultimate victory or defeat. They are definitive and summarize the efforts of both the defeated and the victors. Really when I think about it these two words define why we are here. Are we here to fight tooth and nail to attain the higher plane? or are we here to surrender our wills to one who uses machiavellian schemes to subvert and ultimately destroy our potential glory? Yeah, thats a little dramatic sounding... but really every freakin day is a struggle against those who would love to see us stumble.... realistically, we will not win every battle.... but most wars are won after a series of long bloody fights. Life seems to be an unending struggle for our very souls, the opposition is fierce, they want nothing more than to see us give up our wills and submit to their flawed ideology. Sometimes, if not most times, we tend to focus only on the defeats we suffer and by doing so, allow them bear us down to even further states of depravity.... but we must learn to keep the end in sight, regardless of the setbacks we suffer. Fortunately for us, we have a loving God at our backs and a Living Savior that sacrificed himself so that we can rise from our failings and stand at his side if we are but willing to humble ourselves and ask (not beg) for their forgiveness. God himself has given us (NOT just men) a restored priesthood that if called upon righteously has limitless power and authority. All of us have access to call upon it and NOTHING can stand in its way. We can't allow our setbacks to become our habitual faults.... correcting our mistakes and moving on with the knowledge, gratefulness, and respect that Christ suffered for our every stumble will help us to someday super cede the natural man. God will never abandon us! It's when we believe we are in our darkest hour he lovingly explains that it was never dark in the first place...we just refused to open our eyes.... even in the darkest night there are still stars... And you guys that know me know that I'm a potty-mouthed sinner, but like I said, this was all brought to the front of my mind through the stuff thats been going on the last few months & I know I have lots of work to do.... The Lord is good to me and I can say that all my trials and tribulations have been for my own good and experience. Some were easier to overcome than others but each struggle has taught me so much about how well God knows me. The refiners fire can be a crucible but we all need to remember the Lord will never tempt us beyond our strength to overcome. On the flipside the adversary also knows our faults and flaws and his machinations are precisely concealed and designed for us on an individual level to be our very own Trojan horses.... he's a conniving bastard that takes ultimate pleasure in our pain. So even though we don't always see it coming, we can prepare to deal with it so when we finally do recognize that we are already knee-deep in pissed off Greeks. We know who wins in the end, but it's enduring and how we deal with our setbacks that will lead us to our own personal glory or defeat.

The final victory is already decided.... so it's time to figure out if you want to be one who Conquered or one who Capitulated?

Most Homo Music Videos/Songs EVER!

2009-02-17T13:01:00.003-07:00

Blame it on the Rain......GAY
Ice Ice Baby.......ALSO GAY
Too Legit.....EVEN GAYER
Girl you know it's true.....GAYER THAN GAYER McGAYERSON
Holy crap.
Career Suicide
BARF!
THE RADICAL RUSSIAN....This one is so bad it's good.
Human Troll Doll....no effing kiddin
Unbelievable.....really.....
SIA??? crap I like her..... but this is weird as hell

The Greatest Movie Battles of All Time Part 1

2009-01-30T11:09:00.007-07:00

Here's to war and glory........ I give you the best movie fights of all time (this is a list that will grow as I recall more epic conquests)

Navy SEALS vs Marines

China vs Japan....this is ridiculous(LY AWESOME)
Hellz yeah whoever created this is amazing
Badass Dad 1 where do I buy one of those blue weapons??
Badass Dad 2 Anyone that has tomahawk skills is ok in my book
Hammatime crazy asian movie I saw on the sundance channel..... oldboy dominates
Who has the marbles to do this? Tyler Durden does....
Tom Cruise? every dog has its day man..... let Tom have his...
Eeeeyeah! (PART 2)Samurai's know how to lay it down.
Victorious insanity screaming like that after you've destroyed an English army... sexcellent.
Mortal Combat I seriously hate that wimpy fag on the stairs.... this was crazy
Speaking of Mortal Kombat sorry.... I had to do this....
Skin that smokewagon Billy Bob gets whats comin to him. Full of badass lines
Huckleberry Doc is the coolest dude with TB ever.
Knife chucking 101 Big trouble in little china rulez
Big Trouble Round 2 summary of battles
Bills Battle from the Kill Bill Movies (get ready, there will be a bunch)
Black Mamba vs Bill
Black Mamba vs California Mountain Snake
Black Mamba vs Copperhead
Black Mamba vs Gogo
Black Mamba vs Cottonmouth
Black Mamba vs Crazy 88's
Black Mamba vs Bud
Black Mamba & Pai Mei
Sparta!
Variety Pack
Excalibur Awesome old school movie
Gladiator The holy grail
CLASSIC I'm your effing father!!!
Bloodsport Remeber when Van Dam was awesome??
Rob Roy kills the Dainty Boy
Ok ok thats enough for now.... Future posts will contain more epic scenes, in the meantime check out the WORST FIGHT EVER! its so terrible it's almost good....

My Buddies

2009-01-18T23:46:00.006-07:00

So this whole job/responsible adult crap sucks. Dave, Dan, and Ryan all took their stuff and women back up to Idaho without me..... I want to go too?!?!? but I can't..... or i'll lose my job, house, and kickass credit score. Once again responsibility and adulthood has ruined what could be a continuation of awesome times with awesome people (yes Steph's x 2, Allyx, MB, and Potterpants you are also included in that awesomeness) but for realz, I have some of the best friends ever..... let me make a list IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER OF AWESOMENESS of my favorite man friends of all time.

1. My brothers/parentals.... duh, we are "Sang Real"/Lords of Mann.

2. Jesse Glenn- Cousin/ Co-owner of a Telephone pole near R mountain...... long story

3. Dan "total" Moedl- Roomate/manlover

4. "Ninja" Dave Kulisch- Fellow "Historian" (we are experts on related yet different subjects)

5. "Ryno" Evans- The only man besides He-Man that looks good in a fur thong

6. "Commander Brandmo/Cosmo" Marcum- The dude that looked like the rest of us for a summer

7. "Todd the Penetrator" Youngberg- yeah, we were mean to scotty... but he made it so easy!! but some of the funniest crap i've ever heard came out of his face.

8. "LPG"- My brother..... need i say more?? "everyone are mean to him"

9. "Chintzy" Clark- Freakin crazy...... also my only pit fighter friend. His mom can cook.....

10. "Dave as well"- New to my list but nonetheless so far so good!

11. "San Juan"- The only person that would ever qualify me to be the Jesus of his religion... Married to the girl that bought me petrified dino-shite..... doesnt get much cooler than that....

12. Jesus- ummm he died for my sins... none of the other jerks on this list even offered to do any such thing.......

13. "Nasty" Navarro- My Cubaraguan brother from my oldschool days

14. Jeb- my triplet..... things were never the same when he entered my life and will never be the same since he passed away.... i miss him so bad....

15. Brad Pitt- For being so damn hot.

16. Dylan "spicwop" Izquierdo- too many crazy things happend when i met this guy, but some of the best times of my life.

17. Gerry Q- The only guy to ever get a Jewish kid to pray to God in Jesus's name to put out a fire.... insane story.....

18. Sharon- She's a chick but she's my cousin and one of my best friends..... don't be offended girls... she has my blood, thats the only she made the list.

19. God- Duh.... he made Earth. Also he gave us the technology via science to create Coca-Cola Classic , ho-ho's, red vines, and TV. Plus he's everyones real dad.

So yeah, those are the guys that I consider the most kickass people ever. If you havent met them, you probably shouldnt, except Jesus/God of course If you meet them put in a good word for me, but the rest are trouble.... duh, they are my friends. But I love'em and wouldnt be who I am without them. I'm seriously thinking about writing a book about my life and if I do you'll see these names (unless I have to do the whole name protection crap) come up lots cuz these were some of the main guys that can back up my crazy stories..... So yeah, I've got some great friends, and I miss the ones that are gone or live far away, but am grateful for the ones close by. This blog's for my homies.....

Love,

The Lord

The Death of Skeletor

2009-01-14T11:02:00.005-07:00

One of the funniest things I've seen was in the old school Heman Cartoons, all of Skeletors minions are being captured by evil vines (controlled by a giant asparagus named Evilseed) and Beastman, while being entangled, asks Skeletor for help. Skeletors reply is " I can't worry about YOU! I'm too busy worrying about ME" so what does this have to do with me??? sadly that's pretty much been my motto for the last year. Soooooo yeah, here goes: Life's all about acquiring skills and learning, but sometimes we forget things that really are important.... like how to interact with women you are actually interested in and pursue it. I don't know what happened but I seem to have selectively erased my memories on that subject, dating for me has become like foreign policy between the US and North Korea.... and I for sure don't speak Korean nor care about the country but there's fear that they could unleash mass destruction on me if I neglect them much longer. I havent met a girl that I've been interested in forever. Maybe it's the age discrepancy in my ward? or that there aren't many girls that are over 23 that I'd date? but even when I find one thats somewhat interesting I'm oblivious as to whether they feel the same..... its like playing a game but not having an instruction manual with rules and directions how to go about things, and your team mate won't tell you jack cuz she expects you to do everything...... I never had any of these problems at school (beyond dating the wrong person for 3yrs too long), but seriously, I could read chicks like a friggin book.... now.... it's like watching the news in chinese, I can see & hear the people but have no effffffing idea what they are saying or trying to convey. Memories of my teenage years are resurfacing.....the awkwardness, nervousness, word vomits...... It's sad to admit that when it comes to girls (that I am interested in) I don't know what the heck I'm doing anymore. No more smooth moves, cocky comments, or going for the kill.... that's all been replaced by fear, insecurity, and sissyness..... this is a problem I've got to nip in the bud quick..... I took too much time off and seem to have forgotten how to take care of business, unfortunately all my wingmen are married & I don't know many people here, so there's the next battle. First get my butt out of my house and date more than my current once or twice a monther, then I need to remember where I left my balls when I'm with a girl I like. It's time for changes, I'm getting waaaaaaaaaaay to comfy with my current life and although I honestly am loving it, I know what needs to be done (my bishop, parents, married friends, and many others also know & love to remind me of this). But I have to say, I'm in no rush to even get a girlfriend let alone wife.... I just realize that I need to start dating more cuz I'm forgetting that there are other people in the world besides me myself and I. It's been really easy and nice just worrying about me, buying whatever I want, and pretty much being a selfish dude that keeps to himself (Hence the Skeletor stuff). But yeah, I don't want to end up living the rest of my life vicariously through my brothers. Anyways if you couldn't tell I feel kinda guilty for the last year or so cuz all I've done has really just been for my own gratification. I'm scared cuz it's not going to be easy and like I said I love my life the way it is but unfortunately my peers are correct and the scriptures back them up. So here goes nothin (or everything) BARF!!!!! I hate myself for even admitting this.

Diversity- it's what makes people conquer other people.

2009-01-09T09:30:00.006-07:00

Ok sooooooo i'm bored and have tons of stuff on my mind, first new music. Trespassers Willam Livi.... if you read this, I think you will lick the Different Stars album. Good music with a singer thats more of a siren, although they are NOT for raising hell, crazy driving, or shakin tail. Also another awesomeness is not only this song (What else is there? by Royksopp), but their weirdo music video that's so artsy?eerie?drug induced?? I don't know why, but I think it's awesome. Speakin of Royksopp thier other songs on my playlist are Only this moment & Remind me (geico commercial) hmmmm what else...... ohhhhh yeah, So Fight Club is one of my favorite movies and there's a song at the end that isnt on the soundtrack but I friggin found it! It's a Pixies song called Where is my mind and it's so good it makes me want to go punch Brad Pitt in the ear. For the head bobbers there's Dr. Octagon MGMT 1 & 2 Another pretty chill bunch is Cary Brothers: Who you are album. Unlike the Jonas Brothers they don't suck..... sorry if you like the latter (no I'm actually not, I'd rather eat glass or even onions than hear them again) For my amigos that like the club youve got Andy Duguid, Oceanlab 1 & 2, Motorcycle, Felix, Above and Beyond (Tri-state remix & Anjunjabeats albums) and of course Tiesto.. thats enough of that genre. Right now I'm into chill music thats mostly just music, as in no lyrics. These are my "introspective" recommendations..... Sigur Ros, The Fountain (soundtrack by Clint Mansell <---- all his stuff is good), Secret Garden, Explosions in the Sky 1 & 2, Hans Zimmer's collective works (soundtrack master), The Piano (soundtrack by Michael Nyman)........ that should keep you busy if youre interested. And this is just scratchin the surface suckas!! I wasnt kidding two posts ago about how much I love music. So be thou satisfied, I tried to diversify the selection (sorry crap lovers Dr. Octagon is as close as i'll ever get, and scremo/emo is for dudes that wear tapered pants and wear thier hair across their face like a japanese cartoon) if you like something let me know, if you don't... shut your face!! ahahhahaha Anyways I think its about time I got religious on this thing, heck I might even add this to my daily ritual. In case you forget: I am the coolest person you know. If you disagree take it up with my friends they'll set you straight..... hasta luego amigos!

p.s. I'm going to see Gran Turino tonight and I can't effffing wait to see Clint Eastwood be a badass bigot that falls to the might of the Asian Persuasion

Samurai Showdown

2009-01-08T23:02:00.006-07:00

I admit it.... i have a crazy wierd obsession with all things Japanese. If i could build a home..... i wouldnt.... i'd build an effing DOJO! too bad the closest i've gotten to that dream is planting a Japanese Maple in my front yard.... someday when my empire has grown i'll have my own dojo mark my words. What made this fetish resurface so freakin hardcore?? well last week i saw kill bill 2 on tv (i love those movies) and on it there's a part where this little girl wants to watch a movie called Shogun Assassin. I thought "what is this movie i've never heard of? why would a kid want to watch it? and that narration sounds really badass" and I was then sucked into a single-minded focus and spent the next few days tracking a copy down (not an easy task). I bought it, watched it, loved it, and then recieved confirmation that i was born in the wrong time period. Feudal Japan was a riot, top-knots, swords, ninjas, assassins, chopping limbs off people....... yeah if i volunteered to come down now i hate myself, i for sure could have been shogun. But seriously it was a crazy movie, easy to see why Quentin loved it. That being said i mentioned it to my pop and he suggested i watch The Seven Samurai (which is actually what inspired americans to rip it off and make the western The Magnificent Seven but don't get me started on westerns.... right now i'm in full Japanese mode) anyways i watched it and for a black'n'white with subtitles i was really impressed, it was a pretty good movie. Now i'm not wanting to run around with swords or anything nerdy like that but really, i'm obsessed with Japanese art, culture, architecture, landscaping, you name it... the Edo era Nippon had some seriously awesome style. I could care less about Kung Fu and Karate, but Bushido, Tao, and Zen are also pretty tempting offers. Watch the four clips here ummmmm awwwwwwwsome. Yeah i'm weird. So i guess the real question is: how long is this obsession going to last???? i've already been eyeballing new artwork/furniture for my future dojo......

SAYONARA SUCKAS!!!!

The Day My Life Began

2008-12-11T14:12:00.005-07:00

It was 1994 and I was anxiously fidgeting in the metrodome while people around me chatted, drank, passed drug paraphernalia, and talked about the upcoming event. My Dad, Brother, and Mom were with me and had promised this would be something I would remember forever..... That promise became a reality. In about thirty seconds my world was about to not only stand still but my mind was up for a complete overhaul and after this night things were never the same. When Pink Floyd took the stage the crowds roar shook the stadium and scared the shit out of me, it was my first concert ever and to this day was the biggest crowd i've ever seen. I'd grown up listening to my Dad's music on car trips and found that I liked the music and also the variety. My old man is pretty badass when it comes to music, he likes Zep, Floyd, Tull, and all the other classic rock but he also likes obscure music like Kitaro (awesome) Clannad, Alan parsons, etc... so I grew up with a wide range of music pouring into me (not to mention our annual drive from NY to Idaho was prime time to hit the whole playlist and hear his forays into other genres) But back to Floyd... As they started playing my mind merged with the music and I was brought back to all the trips, places, laughs, anger, and got to have a crazy (probably because of the "hazy" dude next to us) time reliving great childhood memories triggered by music that I never realized I loved. It was LATE when the show ended and to this day all I recall about the drive home was my mom saying how she felt "really weird" and my dad talking about second hand smoke.... But the next day when I woke up I felt different.... not in a homo wimpy way but I realized how much music matters. Music is my favorite past time, I literally could live alone forever and be a hermit if I was provided with an Ipod and access to the internet. Its the remedy for everything this life has to offer and can soothe butt-hurtedness, cool the angry giant, make you unsad, and really adjust your major malfunctions if you know what to listen to. It can take a dull night and make it insane (go see a live Crystal Method show and you'll know what i'm talking about) or calm the chaos of an active mind (Explosions in the Sky). Music lets me focus on anything i'm doing and its weird because I can easily shut out the rest of the world and just focus on the task at hand, it also lets me get away and allow time for either pondering/introspection or just letting my mind wander, yeah i know... i'm really weird. But music is my therapy, it can change my mood from pissed as hell to calm and collected in under a min... what else can do that (other than mind altering substances) So yeah I owe a lot to that one experience and am now bored with this topic. Bottom line is music makes the world go round, except for scream-o and uber heavy metal.... thats not music, it's just plain gay.

An Ode to Dayquil

2008-12-08T14:23:00.006-07:00

Soooo I have felt like crap for about two solid weeks, I went home for thanksgiving and caught what felt like the flu (minus the vomitus) and returned to Utah just in time to catch a supersized cold..... Gross. I hate being sick more than anything (besides onions & venomous snakes) the whole achey/hot/cold, crazy nightmares, and being the master of mucus sucks. That and I don't have a wife or my mom around (or a girlfriend for that matter) to tend to my delicate state. BUT!!! I do have DVR.... and the best part is it doesnt talk back or tell me to quit being a wimp. It still can't make me chicken soup though. Anyways I went to see my married buddies Sat. Night and had a blast, I miss seeing those guys all the time. Plus they married cool girls so Its always a good time. Although I did have this nagging feeling like I was a gold card member trying to be cool by hanging out in the platinum lounge (b/c of my Sans Uxor status) Then on Sunday I went to P-town to see my brothers and have dinner at my Sister-in-laws parents. They are Thai/Indian..... Yan can't cook jack compared to them!! The curry was amazing (I had Bombay House friday night but the Pimsukal's was better) Soooo Overall it was a most excellent weekend if I subtract the nastified plague and assault on my mucus membranes. IT SNOWED TODAY!! finally!! Christmas isnt the same if there isnt snow, if I was a Californicator I'd sprinkle potatoe flakes all over my lawn if thats what it took... Also to end this epistle, They have finally captured the Butt-Bandit !!!! yeah... that guy is a freak..... but it's kinda funny too. Anyways yeah i'm going home now, I've got a score to settle with some invaders tryin to crash my crib (to be explained later)

Arrrrrr Matey's

2008-12-02T14:22:00.006-07:00

Shiver me timbers, i love frickin pirates. Somali pirates?? not so much.... buuuut i still wonder if scurvy is a problem for them?? anyways this is a totally random post that i intend to fill with wonder, splendor, and other shiz i find entertaining/shareworthy. Good news... My lair is nearing completion..... i can't wait to start the debauchery and mayhem once it's fully operational. Morg and I just installed the remote-control slave pen and filled it with minions that are fully commited to do our bidding. but really, the basement is almost done and i'm impressed by our handiwork, it looks friggin tip top. For all the Ladies out there that read this.... check this site out http://www.dodtracker.com/deals/ A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. It's a reminder that i'm taken care of by the masters of the universe. For the dudes see above link and add this podcast http://thehistoryofrome.typepad.com/ It's the bomb-diggity-snip-snap-snatch. for a laugh, everyone check out: http://www.despair.com/viewall.html Sequence complete. Love, Happiness, Blood, and Conquest to all my friends (i just watched this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drm_F0uGn4I&feature=related and am infused with bloodlust)

dude hugs, all that sissy crap, and a happy holidays to all

Mr. Stanley

One more random thought

2008-11-19T13:52:00.004-07:00

you ever see the Gremlins? that movie scared the crap out of me when i was a kid and then as i got older i thought it was soooooo funny, well i just saw it on TV and it was almost the most retarded movie ever, although nothing could ever possibly be worse than garbage pail kids the movie, that was so bad it was almost good. messy tessy, foul phil, those cards were crazy, who the heck thought that crap up?. growing up in the 80's was a treat, neon, jamz, those weird striped pajama looking pants, and other ridiculous styles, especially the hair....what the heck were people thinking. its funny though because now instead of all that crazy wierd crap we have our little EMO buddies. honestly what kind of man wears ass tight tapered pants and covers half his face with his flattening-iron-straightened hair??? i thought that crap only existed in Japanese Anime?? lately when walking around town i feel like Adult Swim has somehow merged with our universe and become a reality!!!

Self Imposed Smackdown

2008-11-19T13:48:00.000-07:00

As of late i have been a hermit and it's for many reason's. Mostly i'm remodeling my house and its sucked up lots of my free time, but also because i'm tryin to figure out lots of things... some about me, some about people in general. I've come to realize not many people actually get the gospel the way I do. I'm not claiming a pure knowledge or beating my chest at others but i do know that i have a different take than the majority. I'm for sure not getting into it on this but the bottom line is i think its more important how we treat other people in this life than worrying about crossing every T and dotting every I on our daily rulebook checklists.... If people were less concerned with themselves and more concerned with serving others and just being kind to everyone (and not in a care-bear-stare-bear way) life would be better for everyone. But everyone seems to have an agenda, whether its money, power, fame, or anything that brings attention to themselves and their deeds.... its disgusting. I think of how blessed i am and sometimes feel like i don't deserve what i have, and then on the flipside i catch myself selfishly wanting more...it's disgusting. Who the heck am i to ask for more than i've already been given? I had a rough patch there for a while and now that i'm clear of it i've discovered there are things that used to be so important to me, that now, i just don't give a damn about. I'm sadly devoid in some aspects and need to find out how to rekindle some flames that died in me, but for the most part the refiners fire wiped out some heavy flaws embedded in my system.... unfortunatley it also inadvertently burned some other parts to a crisp, namely my faith in other people. I'm intent on becoming someone i'm not, which is a man that dedicates all he can to improve his life and those around him. Someone that glories in God and not in himself, a humble, meek, submissive servant with no expectations nor desires for recognition or reimbursement (even from the Lord).....and i know this will probably take the rest of my life to accomplish but what better way to live my life and spend my time? my life so far is a sequence of steps forward and back, and i can see clearly that the steps forward involved selfless acts while the steps back were all selfish. maybe i'm crazy? i dunno, but things are changing and i can't be that guy if i'm not willing to sacrifice ...... so for now i'm sorting through rubble for pieces worth keeping/restoring and trying to make sense of what i should do. Introspection sucks.

Regrets are for gaylords

2008-11-19T13:45:00.001-07:00

So I was thinkin this weekend about all the CSW's(see the title, i'm abbreviating for the sake of my lil sausages) in my life and i decided thats the worst mindset ever to have.... yes if you had made different choices in the past life could (but not neccesarily would) be different. But ya didnt and it is how it is, and it's obviously the way its supposed to be. The thing that sucks is not wishing you could jump into a souped up DeLorean, have doc throw some banana's in the flux capacitor, and then haul ass to the past to rectify stuff, but realizing what opportunites you let slip through your fingers or how you could have done better. Thats why hindsight is a douche bag. It lets you see your retardation to the fullest and then laughs while you self-ridicule your lackluster preformances/outcomes! buuuuuuuuut on the flipside hindsight lets you get a grip on all things good/bad from the past and gives you the chance to improve on mistakes, avoid similar ones, and also lets you see what you did right. Really though i was pondering choices over the past few years and yes, i let opportunities slide right past me that today make me think "man i was a dumbass" but oh well. I think its important to look at the past, but not dwell on it, and by looking i mean not regretting what we did/didnt do but how we can learn from what resulted from our choices so we don't let our future oppurtunities go to waste. So really, we can look into our past and use it to determine what happens in the future, if history decides to repeat itself.... so don't beat yourself up over crappy choices, instead prepare for the future so you're not such a dumbass next time......

Easter Bunny = Creepy as hell

2008-03-24T12:30:00.005-06:00

I was thinking about the whole Easter concept this weekend and realized they took something good, commercialized it and changed the whole concept to a reedonkulous insane idea. What the hell do bunnies have to do with Jesus anyway? And where does this bunny get all his hard boiled eggs? Don't kids think like I did when I was little and wonder about the veracity of these non-profit entities that love to give kids stuff at times that coincide with Christ related events??? Easter is also a horrible contradiction to the saying "dont put all your eggs in one basket" instead it teaches children to do the EXACT opposite..... The Easter Bunny gives horrible investment advice if you ask me. Easter as the world now knows it had to be invented by some crazies trippin on something heavy. Just the idea of a giant rabbit hiding sweets and boiled eggs for kids is disturbing. Whack. I guess this also applies to Santa. Holidays get weirder to me as I get older and I guess thats what I'm trying to say. News: I am in the process of buying a house with my brother, and to tell you the truth it makes me want to barf. Houses = expensive. Me = poor. sooooo naturally with the markets in chaos (markets = bread and butter) I am paranoid daily about having a job the next day. I am writing this post at the behest of a few that seem to like my insanity. So be thou satisfied! Oh another thing thats been prickin my butt. How come everyone thinks I am in need of a wife no matter what the cost? Heck I'm looking but I feel like some people are desperate to see me hitched, or that its a end all solve all to the universe. How about I marry the right one when I'm ready and in the meantime I'll just relax waiting for HER to find ME and then do all the work.....hahaha kiddin, kinda. Life is good, Gwen is my favorite demon, I miss my brothers and am loving life. Now I just have to get the car I want, all the electronics, oversized house, and lots of other stuff I can't afford so I can fit in here in Utah.....

Return of the Sith

2008-01-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

So after a sweet weekend of Babysitting my awesome niece, Paul Oakenfold, and a shabbas cinema event of star wars and random TLC medical insanity (the tree man made me sad/leak bile) shows i am officially ready to retire and put this weekend on repeat forever. Didnt accomplish much, freak didnt really do much but how come it was one of the best weekends ever?? i think more than anything i love hearing Gwen talk (and have it actually make sense) and just hanging out with the weasel. I cant wait until she's old enough to travel without a carseat and actually speak in logical sentences (bird-fly-gone is adorable but any pure blood romulan would barf upon hearing that) But the Star Wars hit the spot....frickin sweet. How do people really come up with those idea's. I mean i'm a freakin nerd but george lucas, Tolkien, and the Harry Potter Lady take the cake when it comes to ultimate nerdhood. And i'm not bashing at all, its nuts that they wrote those long books from made up stuff but then people made them into badass movies that were actually good. mad props to those fools for making my life that much better. Anyways I just wanted to report how kickass my weekend was. Peace out amigos. oh and just a side note........i miss my brothers. especially Jared. In case you dont know my brothers are pretty much my heroes and the coolest guys I know, even the eccentric-hippie one.

F'in F that.

2008-01-07T13:28:00.003-07:00

Soooooo Yeah I aint too sure I like the holidays anymore, too much stress, crowded places, and running around...... arent breaks supposed to be relaxing??? I must say I really enjoyed my time at home and especially getting to see Jared, its been to long and sometimes I forget how funny my brothers are. Speaking of my brothers, its official, they really are my best friends, yeah retardedly cheesy but oh well. They frickin rule and make my life a billion times better and fill it with chaos & mayhem. Nate is a funny little freak and Jared has mellowed out in his old age. Bug is like unto "the dude" (in a good way), and morg....is morg, for those that know him you know what i mean. Life with out those guys would be lame and pretty boring. Although ultimate insanity happens whenever the stanley men get together (especially if board games are involved)....throw in a barnhart to stir the pot and its almost a gurantee that punches and insults (and sometimes dice) will fly...but you know what?? I wouldnt have it any other way. I love my family!!!!! and to anyone that doesnt like one of my brothers congrats I am now your worst frickin enemy forever.

The Great Salt Lake

2007-12-28T00:21:00.001-07:00

So far its Veni Vidi, we'll see if the Vici comes into play in a few years..... i've made the move to happy valley and am (in the words of my parents) in the "right place and the right time in my life" fortunately i speak the ancient tongue and i can translate. That means : get off your duff and get married. I think they dont care who i marry just that i do so and produce spawn quickly...... babysitting my niece is about as close as i want to get to that right now. I love my job, I love seeing my brothers all the time, my roomates are cool and pretty much i'm doing just fine. I guess the only thing that could make life better would be a hefty raise...... or maybe the second coming and the end of all labor.....that would be cool too.

Freakin Puerto Rican....

2007-09-17T17:53:00.000-06:00

So I read sharons blog and decided that i am too damn funny not to have one of my own. Plus i think this is a great way to catch up without awkward phone calls..... but really sometimes this really does get out whats going on and lets you keep up. I can only respond to so many voicemails/texts people..... man i sound like a cocky jerkface. Anyways for anyone i havent seen in a while i graduated in April with my Bachelors and am currently working as a research assistant for a institutional investment group in Salt Lake City......which is funny because i told myself i would never live in Utah, but so far so good, the people are nice the city is ok and i live like 10min away from my niece and twin so i'm a pretty happy camper. If you are reading this and havent talked to me in a while repent! and give me a call or email me sucka!